Ciara..=D

I mentioned this blog to ciara the other day, she asked if she was in it. I said yes, now she thinks i'm bitching about her to my computer. Ciara, if you're reading, you know I love you no matter how much you call me a wanker =D

That was actually really funny at her house. There was some random kid in her room when I got there and I was like "fuck now i'm gonna have to watch my language etc" because I have to be careful around kids with ciara, she doesn't like them being exposed to anything evil or something hahaha, whereas I woud talk to them like they're the same age as me. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a child and someone who is old enough to understand stuff in life. I dunno. So this kid was talking about chris brown excessively. To the point where me and ciara were gonna have a fucking meltdown. Unreal. It was actually really funny, ciara kept looking really stressed and the kid didn't notice and I could tell she was entirely on edge so i was practically on the floor laughing. My phone ended up with a fuckload of blue nailpolish on it. I think the kid did it when I wasn't looking. Accidently probably. Or maybe because I was being slightly sarcastic on the chris brown thing. I don't think she was amused.

Seen the dude yesterday. Some interesting points came up. For one, he called what we had a relationship. (incidently, I know, but it was just chance that my ears pick up certain words haha) and later on we were just hanging out and he asked me what I was thinking about (he does this alot =/) and so I told him about this other guy who I was sort of seeing every once in a while and that he got a girlfriend and never told me..and I mentioned that it hurt, and that it got me thinking about us.

To this..he said "well if I ever got a girlfriend, you'd be the first to know"

I don't find this encouraging. I'm definately not waiting around for him anymore. I think it's clear where I stand now.

Still not sure about what to do for new years, ronnie asked me to come up to his and just have a quiet night and I told him about that gig, and said he could come and keep me company if he wanted. Oh and I just found out that the guy who was spreading that shit about me is going to be there. Oh the joy of it all. FUCKER.

When I got home last night me and dean watched Natural Born Killers. Robert Downey Jr was amazing. The directing was really good, it was admirable. I think it's made one of my favourite films, it was awesome. I would recommend watching it.

<3 When everything ends, When what we have is over, I won't cry like I did over him. I'll remember the times I felt loved. I'll hold on to the passion I felt around you. I'll make sure I don't remember you as what you really are, what I know, but can't see. I'll remember you as what I always wanted you to be. <3

New Years Plans..?

Rang B back. He asked me to go to this place for new years to listen to his mates band. Surprisingly I might go. I'm sick of everything being one sided.

I'm gonna get my own.

Again.

Ok he fucking did it again. The Dude didn't text me back. I'm so sick of this, I only wanted a lousy text, since he had text me in the morning and talked about hanging out. Screw that.

Ter came round today which was cool. We hung out in randalstown and he came to mine for a bit. We walked past the charity shop and beauty and the beast was being sold! I was like OMG because i've fully wanted it on video ever since I lost mine. I got it on DVD but it's not the same. The new version has a stupid song in it called "human again" and it's awful :( So I bought the tape for all of 35p...Hell fucking Yesssss

The relationship I have with Ter Ter is so wierd..because we have these names for each other (I actually gave him that nickname, and now everyone calls him it) and we have this really open friendship..and like we've only known each other really well for just over two years and we've been really close for the past year. We see each other as much as we can and he stays over and all. We're so comfortable with each other that we sleep in the same bed but suddenly there's been some wierd thing between us. Like when we get too close to each other it's awkward. But it SHOULDN'T be! And he said recently that that he liked me and asked me out. And then it was sort of wiped over. And he said today that he only ever likes people for like two weeks. But at the time he asked me out, he said he's liked me for a year.

God I don't know. And then The Dude was saying that girls and guys can never be "just friends" which made me extremely paranoid. And he said that there is something he fancied about all his mates. Makes me feel really good about myself like. Dick.

(8) She's Sexy..She Wants To Move..Look At Your Girl..She Loves It! I Can See It In Her Eyes..(8)

NERD ftw!

(8) She's Perfect In A Fucked Up Way..That All The Magazines Seem To Wanna Glorify These Days..She Looks Like A Teenage Anthem..She Looks Like She Used To Be Happy With The Girl Inside.. (8)

Everclear ftw too :D

So Much For The Afterglow

Christmas is so close now. Only got presents yesterday. Haven't got anything in the post from dad yet =/ wonder what's up with that.

I hate the way everyone's so obsessed about this christmas shite. I'm so bored of it all. The first hour of christmas fucking rocks, the rest of the day is shite lets face it, and the build up is so annoying it hurts.

I'm also fully loaded with the flu, so I can't even go and hang out with the dude i'm having that "thing" with. It's been like a month now since I seen him. I wonder what's wrong with us. We used to wanna see each other more often, he used to text way more and stuff. I still like him though, obviously. He means a fuckload to me if i'm perfectly honest.

We never talk about the future, We never talk about the past anymore..We never ask ourselves the answers to the questions that nobody even wants to know. I guess the honeymoon is over. So much for the afterglow, so much for the afterglow.

I remember when we used to wanna hang out, I remember we could talk about anything.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=n09xfdn7thA

That song pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing. Hahaha......damn I miss him. He rang a couple of days ago and asked me round but I wasn't really feeling up to it. And then I text him yesterday off my cousins phone and he didn't text back. Would love to know what the hell is up. Did he find someone else in the space of a day? Do I even care? ..well, yes..of course I do because I like him and I get jealous sometimes, like anyone else. But I have no reason to because we're not going out together. I think it's got alot to do with sharing something really special with him. I think that's why I feel like this.

Fuck it, I don't even know. This sort of thing confuses me to the point of breakdown, i'm better not thinking about what he's doing with other girls..

=/

ANYWAY i'm out here. Best christmas songs i've came across so far..

Fall Out Boy.. Yule shoot your eye out
Everclear..I will be hating you for christmas
My Chemical Romance..All i want for christmas is you

..Perfect =D

Ashleigh Got It!!!

She got the tattoo, omg its so nice. Really low on her hip, hmmm.. I guess only brendy will be seein it ;).. I'm glad she looked up the notes again, I thought one note was a double when i drew it out, and i mentioned it but she wasn't sure, so now it's sorted since she checked again =/

Amy got me my secret santa, it's really nice. She got loads of stuff from fresh garbage for me. Thigh high socks, with red bows at the back which i've wanted for AGESSS, then two stargazer loose glitters, pink and black, two clips (bows with guns, fucking awesome), two packets of inscence. She's a legend, didn't think she'd get me something that i really liked. And she went into fresh garbage for me like! how sweet. Amy's a really good friend when i think about it, and a really nice person.

Omg school assembly was on today. It's torture. They get the choir (AKA performing arts group who practise like only one day before they actually perform) to sing awful, awful songs. Shit nerds to read out stuff about jesus. And the music people to play terrible xmas songs on the tin whistle and the violin. The whole event is only bareable because it's almost so bad it's good. You just have to take the piss like lmao. I successfully avoided the choir, thank god, even though i'm one of the groups core singers (there isn't much talent in my school, so i'm considered good HAHA).. make your own decision lmfao http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=i67fS8-lsxI

Anyway that's me off for xmas, gonna get loads of art stuff done. Need both my 2D and 3D projects finished by january, almost finished the 2D (a CD cover, inside booklet, back, and tray card-practically a whole CD thing bar the CD) and working on some stuff for the 3D (a wooden box, with pewter-a metal thing- hanging, and trapped string pictures on the side with a blown up painting at the back -wierd much?)

Im out here..Word to aine, can't believe he's done this to you, you deserve so much better.

Biggest injustice in the world

Men are "studs"
When women are "sluts"

...sick

Delicate Tattoo's and Zombies

Ok I lied in the other blog. I only like one guy alot. The others just pass the time until I see him. He's pretty awesome. I hate him sometimes.

Ok I lied again.

But it would be so much easier to hate him to be honest.

Hmm..anywayyy went round to annmaries earlier, she wasn't in. I forgot about her kickboxing dinner. My mate damien/mark got her to text me with the name of the guy I mentioned in the yellow eyeshadow blog. The one who spread shit about me. Damien just won't let that go Lmao..it's getting sort of annoying.

I hate that one mistake gave me such a bad reputation. It just shows..you really need to be careful what you get up to. I wish i'd been smarter that day. But as I always say..You shouldn't regret anything. So I would look at this as an experience. Not a positive one, but one I definately learned from.

A friend told me about a member of his family who has cancer. She didn't even know, and a tumor was found. He doesn't think she'll be around long. That sort of shit really puts things in perspective. I wish I could be there for him, I really do. He doesn't think he needs anyone, because of the circumstances. If we were closer i'd probably be able to help, but he won't let me in. He won't show me who he really is. Which is frustrating, but i'm trying to get used to it.

Saturday was amazing, went to aine's and sat with her and her boyfriend for a while. Then he had to go to work and we had some drinks. We thought we were fine and we made random videos. The next day we were like...Whoa I didn't know we were drunk Hahaha..we were in the carpark outside her house and she was taking a video of me. And she was all "DO BLAIR WITCH SHIT!" so I was like "ahh!" and we were dancing to music on my phone on the picnik benches. And suddenly we heard a huge noise and we just SCREAMED and ran all the way to the house, it was friggin LEGEND! lmao then we thought decky was a zombie..and we rang like ten people and woke them all up. Awesome night. Next saturday=same thing x2 =)

Designed Ashleighs tattoo today. She's getting it done tomorrow. Music notes to the first line in damien rice's "delicate". I offered to help her draw it out, but I ended up doing it all. Which is scary. She'll have something I drew, ON HER.......forever!! omg what if I fucked it up? Aisling wants me to do hers aswell, a star with twirly shit for her wrist...bad.

Dashboard confessional=Hands down. Ashleigh's gonna blast it when the needle is going haha..good song, like stolen too. Guy looks funny though lol..

Ok i'm gonna sleep I think. Watched all five american pies over the weekend..that's gotta be some kind of record. First three on one night, and two on another. unreal.

..

Ok he rang back. Apologized for not texting back, he was busy. Whatever.

Brother just brought back american pie boxset. It's starting to look more appealing than a night with him.

Full On Lesbianism

I'm so confused by everyone romantically-wise. Right now I have four men in my life that I do like quite alot. One of which i'm having a "thing" with. Another that I don't know if we're having a "thing" anymore. One is an "ex" and the last..Well, he made some decisions he shouldn't have. I've never had anything with him, but itching to know what it would be like.

There's also this girl Danica who I like =) She's awesome tbh..haven't even met her because she lives in england and stuff, but she's planning to come over. She's great. She was gonna top up my phone yesterday so I could text her, but i told her not to. I would feel bad. But yeah. We have some amazing plans for when she comes over ;) sweeeet.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to be full on lesbian. Men can be so heartless. For instance, I text this guy earlier at 20 to 4. It's now 5.20. And you know..sometimes he doesn't text me back if we've planned something. Even if HE was the one who made the plans!

I don't understand at all, it's not as if i'm expecting an explanation (although that would be nice), but all I want is him to tell me what's happening so that I don't waste my fucking time. Although evidently a one word text is wayyyy too much to ask of someone who has such a "busy" fucking schedule.

There are no good men left. I'm starting to doubt if there were any to begin with. Actually I can't say that. My brother is a good man. My mate ronnie is friggin class. He's totally there for me all the time. I ask him to meet me in belfast and he's there. My shoulder to cry on. I honestly could not be able to recall the amount of times he's listened to me whinge about boyfriends, or annoyed him about getting into music I listen to. Or went to all the shops I want to go to without even complaining. He bails me out of some tricky situations as well..Whoa i don't know where I would be without him honestly. I don't mean this to sound dramatic, but my life would be completely different if he hadn't helped me out that time. I know that for a fact. I owe alot to him. And although he's done all this for me, I never really tell him how amazing he is. He's one of the only people I truly trust, and yet girls treat him badly! I don't get it! Everytime he tells me about some chick who has been a bitch, I feel like actually beating them to a bloody pulp.He doesn't deserve that. I respect him more than I respect anyone in this entire world <3

Can't stop listening to 'delicate' by damien rice..It's so beautiful. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vw2XXP1SdA0

Bruised Stomach, Tired Legs, Sore Throat...Aka...YOU ME AT SIX ROCKED

You me at six was awwwweeeesssooooommmmmeeee

We were so close! there was only like 2 people infront of me and i could have died..i actually kinda hyperventilated a bit (that coming back? haven't hyperventilated in aaaagggeeesssss) and yeah, it was great =)

Josh was soooo close, i fully almost touched him. Threw my bow up on stage but he hardly looked at it. Rage. hahaha.

Lost lanie for a while and i ended up trying to save this tiny girl who was actually 16 but so small and she was getting crushed by the moshers. then i couldn't breathe and i kept hearing DARYL DARYL DARYL, but i thought i was imagining things, looked around and whos standing there? the two little emo kids from school, wdf?

ok picture time

Josh Josh Aled Amazing I would That ain't even zoomed! fuckkk me. Legend.

Hopeless Sometimes

I keep having nightmares, babe
Sing me to sleep with your beautiful lies
Lieing in bed i can see my breath
Like smoke from a cigarette
When you're here, the smoke dances

It's so cold in here without you
So cold when you're here.
I know i'm not the only one who lies in your bed
You changed your sheets yesterday
Who was it this time?

I've been dreaming
Of the next time i see you
In my head it's planned
I know what i'm going to do
But you never think ahead
You don't care enough to

I'm having nightmares of you
That you're in love with me
I'm so scared tonight
Because I know it'll never be the same
It's so hard to forget all those dirty stains
They won't come out

I wish every part of me could agree on you
But i can't keep myself away
It's so hard to let you go

Stealing People's Beds

Friday was friggin class to be honest. We watched a load of horror movies and talked all night. mixed with a little drama concerning Annmaries brother (annmarie being the birthday girl, sweet 16), and becky, another girl who was there. they kissed and then evidently he's still seeing his ex -not good.

all in all it was really good. was funny too, i slept in annmaries bed and in the middle of the night she turned round n was hugging me. i think she thought i was her boyfriend. lmao..bless her..

last night i stayed at aine's. B rang from his mates phone. he's starting to annoy me so much. apparently he was pissed. gawd i couldn't imagine that. i'd end up slapping him like seriously. who can be assed.

good night last night, although i stayed in decky's room and i woke up in the morning and found him on the sofa. he'd been at a party and came in at 4 to find me in his bed. he told me in the morning that he was so drunk that he had to come in like so many times just to make sure someone was actually there. he thought it was his eyes trickin him. we felt bad that i'd taken his bed so we made him hot chocolate n croissants to make up for it and he told us all about his night, it was funny as fuck :P

Gonna go down to the local pub to see about that job that my english teacher promised me. 16 in february, i'm sure i'll be sweet.

Only a week until YMAS and KIGH! can't fucking wait like!!

(8)Take off your colours
Who are you wearing them for?
Tick off your lovers,
All respect was left at the door. (8)

Strange Text From A Random Number

B text me last night from some random number asking me if i was going to belfast or to this pub about 4 miles from my house. He said .."i really need to talk to you" and "sorry if i've been a dick recently sorry could you text me back and let me know?"

I don't know how i feel about this. It's borderlining on stalkerish, although he's a nice guy and just says what he wants..

I text him back and told him that talking to him wasn't a good enough reason to go all the way to belfast, and that the pub was gay lmao..

I kinda wanna know what he wants. Im surprised that he said that about him being a dick. We haven't hung out in ages, i don't know how he could be a dick to be honest.

Maybe he's only saying that because of me being a bit bitchy. Maybe he thinks he's done something wrong. Meh i don't even care. He's amusing, the way he rings and texts and stuff.

Well i think i'm gonna head to yoga..Fun Fun ;)

Outties
xx

B Calls

Whoa..B definately seen me

he just rang me like 5 or 6 times from a reverse charge line.

i kept rejecting it and i sent him a txt saying..."ur reverse charging me? No thanks"

and when it rang again, the guy went "You have a call from...." and instead of sayin B he was like "please?"

Haha..loser

Although i like when guys REALLY wanna talk to you. It shows they care. Apart from him trying to charge me for it. But he fully never has credit.

I hate when they only ring when they're looking something. It's so sleazy.

Yellow Eyeshadow

Was just in this shopping place getting make up for my mates birthday on friday..a small-ish (10 people) get together at her house to get pollaxed to the max and eat sweets and pizza lmao..like children..apart from the whole alcohol bit :D

So she had her heart set on a yellow eyeshadow like mine, but i feel pretty bad because i ended up getting her stuff that wasn't as good because i couldn't get to belfast..so i got her fake eyelashes that are like blue and purple which are pretty cool, yellow eyeshadow dust, blue glitter dust.

Yeah i don't know if i'll be able to afford any drink now. Darn.

But anyway where was i..shopping...yeah..i saw this dude (we'll call him B) that i had a "thing" with..

We like hung out alot for a while and we both liked each other and we kissed a few times, nothing serious like, but then this other guy (D) was bad mouthing me because we had a "thing" aswell and he's just a complete asshole, and spread all this shit about me. Anyway, B was in this place..with his mate..but only his mate saw me and then apparently the mate nudged B and he turned around and just stared at me. I didn't particularly wanna talk to him tbh, but was a bit put out that he didn't call to me or anything. Because he still rings every once in a while to tell me he misses me and asks if i miss him and stuff lols..i always say no like..gawd i shouldn't be such a bitch to him. Why do i always get on like that with people i like/have liked?

But yeah. Strange day. Wierd to see him again after not seeing him for so long.

He looks good. i'm glad he's still...ok...i guess...

Kinda wish he'd came to talk to me or something. But he didn't know i had seen him. But still. Might call him and get together or something. As friends though. Don't think i'm gonna go down that road again..

You Me At Six

Ordered the tickets for the you me at six gig.

I convinced my mother to buy me mine as part of my christmas present, and i got lanie hers for the secret santa.

I told her i'd have to give her the present early..and she was like "aye well im just gonna open it on christmas day" so i was all "good luck" and she had a strange idea that i had got her condoms or something haha so she kept saying she was gonna open it in her room..

and i just goes...look you won't be able to open it....because....ok get this....its you me at six tickets
OMGOMGOMG ARE YOU SERIOUS? OMG YOU ME AT SIX

....you can hug me now

BIG HUG

lmfao was good. she got really excited and couldn't concentrate on the presentation we were doing in english (talking about this poem 'limbo' infront of the class which was really hard and according to my friends i looked like i didn't care and just kept sayin shit like '...yeah there's this guy and hes all....like....on a slavery ship....but in my opinion...the guy's dead')

So yeah...really amazingly excited.. we were so excited that we drew 'you me at six' on our fingers lmao

And sooo the tickets came today..and i was on you me at six's myspace and the band kids in glass houses were in their 'top friends' so i thought 'hahaha this top friend status probably isn't returned' and checked KIGH's myspace..

Looked at tour dates..what did i see 7TH DECEMBER..MANDELA HALL..6.00 WITH YOU ME AT SIX

.....................hell yes!

rang lanie. she told me she nearly "wet her panties"

bless. i love her. =)

Listen to Lisa Mitchell..neopolitan dreams. it's a happy song. makes me feel happy. checked out her other songs, not as good. you'll be dissappointed. so stick with this one. *big happy smily face*

Ex Boyfriends Are Assholes

Inhaling the black smoke that surrounds me
Summoning me to join the life i'd rather leave behind
It pulls me softly into the most powerful arms of this dragon
I thought it ran it's fingers through my hair
I thought it was vulnerable
But soon my skin bleeds
It's not as beautiful as it seems
Falling to my knees
This journey takes so long
Melt through the clouds
I'm no longer a little girl
This hot earth feels like water
Letting me slip deeper into it
It leaves blisters of hate
I could never imagine
I'll always have the scars to remind me
Of the time i thought i was happy
I could crawl for mercy
But i want to see how much pain i can indure
This monster turns to leave
But i beg it to stay
I scream loud for a deeper wound
Reluctantly it returns
With a smug smile of triumph
It licks it's lips and it's blue eyes bore into me
They light up as the blade is pressed into my veins
I'm thankful for the blood that pours down

Emo Shit I Wrote A While Back

Just to bleed black tears
From the eyes of the brokenhearted
And the pain they've endured
From the live's they've injected
With this lethal dose of sorrow
And the lovers that held close the hope
That it's not all over
This is what's become of life..
Of love..
Of a dream..

Again..I Have No Idea What's Happening

I just rang ciara.. was asking her if she wanted to go to you me at six or mindless self indulgence..

And she was just like "I don't know how i feel about either of them..why don't you get sammi to go?"

And i said "Well i kinda wanted us to go to a gig together"

And she said "If you're getting this because you want to get me a christmas present don't bother cause i'm not really 'doing' christmas this year"

So i said "So if you don't get me anything, you won't get me anything?"

So we agreed to not get each other.

There's something about this whole thing that's fully saddening..lmao which sounds stupid. But i think that my whole theory on us growing apart is true..

Think i'm going to get the you me at six ticket for alanna since i have her for secret santa =/ And she was the first person i thought of when i seen they were playing so yeah..

Which is good because she's the person i always go gigging with...

It should be good. I'm looking forward to it. Just too bad that this is happening between me and ciara. I always thought she would be the only person that i would always be mates with. Does that sound niave?

Gawd i wish i didn't care about her so much >.>

Max Bemis....The Sex

Im in love with max bemis. like actually he's the bestest person ever.

Some of my all-time favourite max bemis lyrics are as follows ..(hes a full on lyrical genious i swear)

Woe..

Please take me out of my body

Up through the palm trees

To smell California in sweet hypocrisy.

Floating my senses surround my body.

I wake my nose to smell that ocean burn.

About Falling..

I feed on the virgin blood from your bleeding heart,

with my pants around my ankles.

but i don't really even care if i'm alone now,

whoa whoa

and i don't even give a damn about falling in love,

Retarded In Love..

But when they robbed her of her infinite smile

She said maybe I'll just play dead for a while

He's the first to tell you he's full of shit

Like that's half a compliment for men

Alive With The Glory Of Love..

Beneath the wormwood, ooooo, love me so good…

They won't hear us screw away the day.

I'll make you say:

“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”

No Soul..

You'd probably think this means I give up on you

The saddest part is this is why I come

To watch and pray that I'm mistaken (mistaken)

And pray I'm not the only one

I've had a few but not that many

But you're the only one who gives me good and plenty

Baby Girl, Im A Blur..

Thats how we be

you and me

I would not crowd,

I would not smother you

I'd let you breathe, over me

The drugs can have my mind, love

You own the rest you'll find

And you're with me all the time

Shiksa (Girlfriend)..

That all has changed that was deranged

Even if you suck me til I’m sore

No matter what, I’d bleed to be your whore

Even if the cancer grows til we explode, I’m yours

I remember it vividly, love

I’ve been walking erect since the moment we met

And I caught your eye, to my surprise

Your white thighs

Hebraic neuroses ceased to be

An angel’s conversing with me

The new attractive to me

Is divine

Here We Go Again

Am talking to like my "ex" if you could call it that...

It's really wierd when you don't talk to someone for ages and suddenly they're THERE and it's like it was ages ago... And you have that feeling that nothings changed..

But you really have to look at the situation and remember that you really just...can't let yourself feel that way again. Because you know that no good will come of what you're doing.....

Gawd I honestly wish i had known then what i know now.

He was the only person i've ever felt like fully strongly about.





Sometimes i miss him a little too much..

Some Guy

I wish you would stop obsessing about your shitty ex girlfriend

I just want you to have more fucking faith in your heart

I hate that you're so afraid...

Too fucking afraid to let me in...



I hate that you're a user, and that i don't know why......

Randalstown Vs Belfast

My mother dearest is off to a "yoga weekend" this weekend..it's like this spa thing with all vegetarian food and she'll b doing like a hundred sessions of yoga over a two day period.

My mother worries about me a hell of a lot, so she asked me to stick around randalstown this week so she wouldn't have to be worried about me getting raped or whatever..But i'm pretty sure randalstown has like thee most PERVY men ever, like more than Belfast, which is my hometown and where I would have been hanging out today..For instance, There's this old dude. He does my HEAD in. And when see him about the town he makes all these wierd sexual jokes. i'm like NO REALLY LIKE IM 15. And i really push it, he doesn't seem to get the message. it's like...YEAH IM STUDYING IN ST. BENEDICTS....YOU KNOW THAT SCHOOL THAT ONLY GOES UP TO YEAR 12? you fucking knob, but still..then sometimes he'll sniff the air like a dog and go "ayye thats a lovely smell there, heeeyyy, lookin fit tha night gurl, lookin fit" (in a country accent obviously)..i've put up with it, but once he was laughing at something he said and i was lyk "no seriously. stop fucking laughing. It's really not funny"

HE'S LIKE 60 WAT THE HELL

lmao. What a fucking loser. like sort your life out.

So yeah, I sacrificed belfast so now i'm sitting here thinking what the fuck to do

Trust my family to move from a big town to like practically a village in the shithole of nowhere

Like honestly. Randalstown consists of...hairdressers, like a million pubs, grocery stores and chippys. Oh and there's a bridal shop, a photographers, a cake shop and "the tackle box" ...LMAO fishing stuff.....wdf....

And most of the kids round here are full on chavs, which i'm cool with because i have mates that lean that way, it's just these aren't the sort of chavs you wanna chill with bar one or two..

So i don't have many mates up here. Ciara lives up the road like, but its like a big fuck-off road with no path so we don't have that kind of "meet me in two minutes" relationship like we did in Belfast where she lived 3 doors away..

And it really sucks badly, i'm missing ciara loads these days. We seem to be growing apart, which i don't really get. Like we hung about yesterday while she was waiting for her dad to pick her up, and we came up to my wee shitty house and i filled her in on all that's happening with my life and she was telling me that she had missed the bus in antrim (5 minutes away) and that the guy got her a private bus and the guy went this wierd route and she thought he was gonna pull over and kill her or something Lmao..she's a legend...so we got into the house then my mum fucking talked to her for like ages about yoga or something and as soon as we got into conversation again, her dad rang and she had to walk to the end of the road to meet him so i walked with her even though it was raining and shit.

I think it might be something to do with that night we got drunk.

Our parents were sort of oblivious to the fact we were experimenting with drink and one night we just thought "fuck it lets get pissed" and we ended up like paraletic with my gay best friend james haha so yeah...she sort of noticed when we rolled into the house with bloodshot eyes and staggering about the place Lmao

We both got grounded for like the first 2 weeks of summer..and now i think our parentals might just be wary of letting us hang out since we fully lied to them


or maybe we're just growing up..who knows...

Retarded In Love

Ooh another blog two minutes later.

Was just on this complete and utter LOSERS page, and now im like "Whoa wat was all that stressing about?"


.............Yeah i understand this doesnt make sense, if you were in my shoes you would be able to sympathise.........


"He's the first to tell you he's full of shit....like that's half a compliment for men......"

Day In The Life?

Hey People

been a pretty productive day, went to this cinemagic thing n this dude who had a slight reseblance to max bemis in his body type n facial hair (maybe im just obsessed with max bemis though) gave a lecture on film reveiwing and the difference between critics and reviewers, it was fully interesting although he was into a good few movies i like and i didnt really speak up the whole time and he was all "are there any real film fans? haha" and i was lyk SHIT I SHOULD TALK! but i didn't.....darn....

But yeah, it was fun and then we watched citizen kane..not impressed..not something you're supposed to admit right? but what can ya do..

Having a quiet night in....basically because my best mate is being held captive in the house and i was gonna chill with a guy im casually seeing but then i thought fuck it..hating men right now..

Well watever, can't say i never tried blogging right? (goes to find her father on this blog thing LOLZ)

outties xx