And I thought I loved you then...

(8) And she's trying to sleep it off.. with her head on my shoulder,

And i'm trying to keep it out..of my thoughts when I hold her.

Take all you can from me. (8)

So yesterday was pretty much a lovely/upsetting day. I was meant to go down to my boyfriends new music video he was shooting (he's a fim maker/ photographer type thing) but i slept in, so i met him at the cinema where it was set straight after just. I knew right away that something was up, because he looked really distracted and he gave me this really long hug..

He was upset. it didn't go well.

We sat with his friends in this coffee shop and eventually they left one by one. We cuddled, and he told me what happened.. he sounded really choked up about it, and i felt so crazily protective of him :\

He fell asleep because he works too hard.. and i saw the reflection of us on his laptop screen, and listening to the cure, with my head on his shoulder and his arms around me, and seeing that crazy guy in the backround smiling at me...and those little twitchy things he does when he's about to fall asleep, and him pulling my face to his every once in a while for a sleepy kiss... it was perfecto.

8 reasons why new technology sucks.

1. dvd's. never know if they're fucking gonna conk out half way through! vcrs are reliable! same with digital tv.

2. fb relationship status'. it just puts pressure on people.

3. NEW PHONES ESPECIALLY TOUCH. THEY ARE FAILS.

4. new cars. just because people have stupid ideas that old ones are shite.

5. apps.

6. texts. they're just a way for people to play games with each other.

7. "couple" photo albums. fake. although i secretly love this haha.

8. people tagging terrible pictures of you.

The notebook.

So im walking home. slowly, incredibly slowly as if im waiting for something. i came across this woman there with her kid, but the kid was hidden behind a big wall, and i thought the mum was joking around and pretending to hit the kid with the umberella, but as i got closer the kid was crying. she was so small.

My friend and her boyfriend go to school together. yesterday he brought her the notebook as a random lovely surprise. she was happy for ages.

There is good and bad everywhere.

Drive to a forest today.

so i went for a run in the forest with my momma. then we drove and drove aimlessly. first we came across the shop her dad used to own, boarded up, then her family home, where she lived, then the graveyard..where she's buried.

i cried. i cried because to me, she was a lovely girl who i hugged and laughed with every day. to anyone who didnt know her, she and her mother were a horrific accident in the newspapers.

just love with everything you have. savour every moment, and never forget what's important.

It sometimes doesn't matter how hard you try.

my blog has turned into such an on-the-move thing. i dont know if im liking it. on the bus home. my bus route is really boring, it's like a bunch of fields with sheep. the only cool thing was that lonely chicken fred. he's gone now. dammit.

last class was wierd. we got our coursework back, and i'm finally finding my way, the fact i got good feedback made me feel like all the work i've done actually means something. my friend asked me what i got. then stared at his for like 10 minutes. he tries so hard...

Know what i miss..?

i miss the nights he would text me all night.. i would stay awake to ask him the stupidest questions.. i'd strain to keep my eyes open just to hear what he'd say next.. i'd fall asleep with a smile on my face.. and when i'd wake, tired but happy, i'd find two messages, the 2nd always asking where i'd gone.. it made me feel so wanted..

sorry to get all sentimental on ya'll. but i'm watchin once, it always makes me emotional.

Our song is the way you laugh :)

so i'm sitting on my front step. i'm locked out. i don't ordinarily like sitting here because i thought there was always ants here. but i've been looking about for quite some time, and there are none.. do ants only hang out in the summer? it's hailstoneing too, they're slamming off my phone right now. they sorta look like lil bits of polystyrene cups. i like that. i can feel them hitting off the skullcandy lowriders too. i'm cold, alone, listening to taylor swift, and yet..i can't stop smiling :)

Scratch my freakin eye out

it feels like a sunday. im not usually off til tuesday. so i had to do all the regular sunday stuff today. im lieing in bed and my eye is all owwie. i dont wanna rub it too much because my mum told me once if theres anything in there it'll scratch my eye. and that sounds horrible. i've been thinking alot recently about what i'm gonna do when i'm 18. which is scary. because it sorta crept up on me. like this past year has just wooshed by. i won't have changed much i hope. god i can't sleep. but i should try.

I got you babe! this valentines day :)

(8) i can't make you love me if you don't (8)

valentines day was so awesome. best valentines day of my life. my mate told me she'd ordered flowers, and then rang me at like 4 and said 'look im sorry i lied, i didn't order you flowers, but come outside' she was there. with a me to you bear and a bunch of flowers. ohmywow. she'd got two buses to get to me, then she took me out and bought me a chinese. i couldn't ask for a better friend like :) she is love, beauty, and immense kindness. she is perfecto!

"i feel for you" ..bullshit

(8) nothing can stop this lonely rain from falling. tell me baby, where did i go wrong? i can put my arms around every boy i see. but they only remind me of you. (8) these past couple of weeks have been disappointment after disappointment. everyone and everything has let me down in one form or another. no one has kept to their word. no one has cared enough. i knew there was a reason why i shouldn't be 17. it's time to sort myself out. put myself first. and decide what it is i need to make me happy again.

So much for romantic fantasies

rois- 'what u doin sunday?' me-'nothing :S' rois-'imma take you to a romantic viewing of casablanca at qft!' then i realised.. it's freakin valentines day on sunday. the sad thing is, i bought this lil beaut of a dress, always keeping it in the back of my mind that i'd wear it then. i haven't even taken the labels off. i have so many cool plans in my head that will never happen. but you know.. that doesn't matter. i have an awesome man in my life who loves me :) i wish everyone could have what i have.

Pretty Chicken

soooo.. im sitting in kfc with terry. im not being antisocial, hes having a munch and sayin 'im sure u were a pretty chicken, oh yes you were' and making fun of the chinese womans accent. no joke. the cinema times said princess and the frog was on at 8.30 but it lied. im devasted i'll be honest grrrr! so we're going to see something else. i don't care what. but at least i got out 2nyt. i hate staying in. and terry makes me pee he's so funny :) im gonna give him my attention now. outtie! :) xo

Taking off your clothes when you're turned on is not predictable..

..it's just common sense. i'm just up, on le bus to school. Last night was pretty good.. i got to see the Dude again, and i hadn't seen him for ages. so that was nice. we watched true blood, and he finally saw some of my dads stuff. which freaked me out. i have no problem boasting to PEOPLE about my dad, but when it comes to someone who really matters it's entirely different. im defensive because i know his stuff's good, and i'm upset because he's not as big a part of my life as i sometimes wish he was..

17 and slightly loving life.

ok so im posting this via my fone which i know is suuuuuper gay but i haven't really talked about my birthday yet. i think quite possibly this was the best year for presents. people seem to "get" me alot more these days :) i got a pandora bracelet and charms, 8 driving lessons, my lisence paid, a pink digibox, true blood series one, a me to u bear, soap and glory shizz, birdcage necklace, mighty boosh all three series, vintage beauty and the beast cassette and massive framed picture. i am loving life.

Don't go out tonight.

(8) When we said, Don't you ever come back, Don't you.
Don't go out tonight, Baby can't you see,
What is happening to you, What is happening?
So whose fault is it anyway, Don't say,
We don't know, We both know that we made a mistake,
It's hard to live together forever, Well, that's what they say,
We still regret what we said, What we said. (8)

I'm freaking out about turning 17, like honestly freaking out.

I really don't wanna be 17.

And i'm upset about everything.

I can't concentrate because i've got so much to think about.

And everytime I try and let myself drift off i can't do it, because there's too much to fucking think about.

I wish ciara was here, or at least i could text her.

Because right now i need someone who's close to me.

And she's the only person i'm truely close to.

I'm fucking worried about talking to The Dude aswell, i fucking don't wanna do it, and i think i'll probably pussy out at the last minute.

I wish he understood.

eughh i can't deal with any of this shit, i don't wanna be alone right now, i can't stop myself from feeling like this. I can't fucking deal with selfishness. At all. That's what is breaking us apart.

...My Beautiful Girl

Alice and Harry

(8) let me know..

do i still got time to grow?

things aint always set in stone

let me know let me know..(8)

Coursework is wrecking my life.

Look at me i'm not even doing it.

Sheesh.

STRESS IS AT A NEW HIGH.

so this is a wierd one. my boyfriends mate text me this morning, and it had to be him because he made a personal joke, and i don't think anyone else knew about that. I don't even remember giving him my number =/ thennn i text him back like four hours later and he was like "sorry i dont have your no, whz yourself?"

say what?? i will have to see what The Dude thinks. i'm confused.

OMG IM SO WORRIED ABOUT CIARA. SHE'S GONE.

..to malowi.

AGHH. more stress. FML.

She better not come back all god-loving. There's nothing wrong with that like, but it wouldn't suit her.

ok distractionnssss leave me alone. back to work.

im outtie xo