I'm Liking =)

Here's some things I like.

I like youtube people. These are the very best..

Kylemonkey. My first Youtube love. http://www.youtube.com/kylemonkey
AmazingPhil. He really is amazing. http://www.youtube.com/AmazingPhil
Nick. So goddamn cute. His videos are so thoughtful. http://www.youtube.com/mongoos150
Shimmy. Talks about being asian. And sex. What a legend. http://www.youtube.com/shimmycocopuffsss
MattG. Abit mental, but comes up with amazing ideas. You should watch his zombie video. It was funny. In a way that scared me. http://www.youtube.com/thepoopooshow
Shane. My new obsession. Is there anything that boy can't do? http://www.youtube.com/ShaneDawsonTV

Dreams. Especially the lucid ones. Even the scary ones. I'm getting used to them since they are EVERY FRIGGIN NIGHT now.

Natural Souce Mint and Tea Tree shower gel. It will blow your mind.

Curly hair on boys. I have no idea why. Guys with curly hair make me go weak.

Cute texts in the middle of the night. Theres nothing better than being woke up by your phone, then realising it was totally worth being woke up to hear what that person has just said. And then faling back asleep, wondering if you actually got that text. Then finding out you did, it wasn't your imagination.

Hugs. Nothing beats them. Especially the long ones, like you never want to let go.

Noodles. Unbeatable. Enough said.

Watching like four movies in a row with my brother when he comes home at like 3 o'clock in the morning.

Smart music videos ;) This is amazing.



Talking things through with someone you trust.

My mates. I'm loving these people so much right now.
Ronnie. Aine. Ciara. Amy. Terry. Emmarr. Aisling. Lanie. Annmarie. Rebecca. Marybeth. Benji. Carolann. Christina. Natalie G. Natalie M. Ashleigh. Caitriona. Catherine.

Blogs. My favourites are Deadkidsdisco, Aaron KD Bourn, and Alex.

=)

Smiles.

People who aren't racist, homophobic, biggoted or pedo-ish.

The cold side of a pillow.

People with nice eyes..

People with nice lips.

That's all I can think of. When summer starts I bet there will be far more things to like.

Wishful thinking..

Drink And Kisses Are A Bad Combo

(8) You blew up the world I built for us,

Destroyed our secret universe,

Threw out the trust I, put in you,

Making me feel like I'd been used,

And now I'm reminded,

That I was just blinded,

Hello, hello? Just pick up the phone.

You'll be sorry to hear, I'm doing fine now,

Sorry to hear, You're without me now. (8)

I feel like writing a well long blog today. Alot of shit has went down.

Ramble was on last night.. It went pretty well.. except for the last half hour or so. A guy I used to like came in with his girlfriend. He held her hand the hold time, even when he was hugging me. He was so proud of her. He told me today he's so happy.. she makes him happier than any girl. I told him I was happy for him..

Am I? Or did I just lie?

He looked really good, they're a cute couple. I was insanely jealous tbhh.. Jealousy is the worst flaw a human being can have.

A friend told me something I said had hurt her. I hadn't honestly known. It made me feel sick that i'd been such a dickhead and been totally oblivious to it. That's probably worse than doing it intentionally. I tried to make it up to her. She said at one point "I thought we were friends.. You're supposed to be my friend" I felt like crying. And building a time machine. I hated myself so much at that moment.

Then my mate introduced me to a friend of hers.
We kissed outside. It reminded me of the last time I was there. He hadn't forced me into anything. This guy did. He kept dragging me back and pushing me against the wall. He left scratches on me. I ached when I woke up this morning. I feel so unclean.

Last night before I went out I was talking to paul. We had an online marriage lmao it was so funny. I quite like him. He's funny. He has the cutest down-south accent ever. I could see us being really good mates tbhh.. Gonna make plans to hang out with him sometime soon ((:

If I let you love me.. Be the one adored.. Would you go all the way?.. Be the one i'm looking for.

God when we got in to annmaries last night I was so tired. But I couldn't sleep! Annmarie kept kicking me out, so I was half in and half out of the bed. It was entirely uncomfortable. I had her phone near me in the morning. I think I text a few people because I had texts on my phone like

"Yea me 2, thats y i said it, but its behind us now, and we're ok. xx"

LMAO what the hell did I say? And there were no sent messages because of AM's phone. Stupid phone.

Then I got a call from work and had to go in. So i've had like 0.000001 hours sleep. Gonna have a kickass lie-in in the morning.

Was out with terry earlier. That strange tension is back. I stayed at his last week. When we were lieing in bed he started tickling me. I don't have tickles, only on my back (But shhh only my brothers worked that one out after that hissy fit I took on him) so I tickled him. I ended up lieing over him n beating him.. then we both went quiet. And it wasn't just us messing about anymore. It was so wierd! We're like best mates, why is there tension? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I text the dude earlier, to see if he was around. He didn't text me back. And he hadn't text back..on.. monday I think it was. Clearly he could have no credit.. monkey stole his phone.. be working.. lost his phone.. be in New Zealand.. Or on mars? Million reasons.

But what if this is actually all over?! What if I don't see him again? What if.. He's just given up trying to put up with me. And my stupid voice. Having to talk to much. Say things I don't mean. Well we live in the same town like.. Euggh it would be even worse if I saw him and we avoided each other. Or acted like we never HAD anything. That's such a horrible idea.

If it turned out that I would never be WITH him again.. I'd want to be friends.. I wonder if people can still be friends.. After one person has liked the other to the extent that i've liked (and still like) him.. Still makes me nervous to think that this could be it.


Nine months...
I don't want to let this go.. Really I just want to know..

That blog wasn't even that long.

I want noodles.

Zombies Can Have Babies.

(8) I thought you were cool until the point,

Up until the point you didn't call me when you said you would

Finally figured out you're all the same,

Always coming up with some kind of story

Thought you'd come around when I ignored you,

Sorta thought you'd have the decency to change

But babe I guess you didn't take that warning,

’Cause I'm not about to look at your face again

It was too much that I asked him for (8)

Oh my god I had this fully freaky dream about zombies the other night. It wasn't even funny. It started I was in my room and me, Dea and Decky were sneakin into each others rooms and my cousin Rioghnach was in the other room and I went into the hall and she wasn't in her room, she was crawling about the floor.. and dean and decky weren't about and I was all.. "Yeah whats going on she's creepin the hell outta me" and I went downstairs into the Living Room and a load of people including my mum were on the sofa and I was like "holy shite dudes. Rioghnachs a full on zombie I think" and I went to find Dean and Decky but all I could hear was alot of shuffling and it was dark at the top of the stairs but I went up anyway. And was scared incase she was hiding under my bed or something.

Then I went down to ask the Living Room people if they'd seen the guys and their heads all snapped up like at the start or 28 days later and they all had white pupils and I was like....damnnn

So I tried to leave but my mum was all taking the piss outta me.. I think she was like a half-zombie. And she explained that she didn't die, she was only bitten.

Can there be "half-zombies?"

So I was like... Sorry love i'm gettin outta here anyways and she followed me out the door. BUT THEN THERE WERE REALLY SCARY ZOMBIES!! Even the mother, a half-fucking-zombie was scared and we started to run back to the house. There was like this chavvy one who said they'd "got her twice". She looked really rough. But she was nice, she kept zombies out of my house. I think she was pregnant. She looked pregnant.

Can zombies be pregnant?!

Can they have zombie babies? Like in that remake of that old film.. Where that chick has a baby. But she's a zombie, so naturally her baby's a zombie too. That's sick. Zombie babies are scarier than adult ones. Except they'd be easier to kill.... IF YOU SEE THEM CAUSE THEY'RE THAT SMALL.

Damn i'll have to think that one through.

Well then it got really wierd. My house turned into a castle where like LOADS of zombies lived. And there was a zombie butcher who was putting other zombies on to hooks. It was fucking gruesome. They were still trying to talk and shit, it was horrible! He tried to put me on a hook. Dick.

Anyway... that was it really..

No-one rescued me..

Worknesss

Yo fred!

Who are you?

My name is Shanaynay and shane dawson sent me here to do him and all his fans a motherfucking favour.

Are you gonna take me home?

Do you live in hell?

No.

Well that's where your chipmunk ass is goin

Uh Oh

*Shoots*

Why did you do thatttt?

MOTHERFUCKER WHY WON'T YOU DIE?

I never die

...........................Oh shit

Went back to my old job today. It's minimum wage *hell yeah* but I dont really care. Am just glad to have some source of income lmao.

Some wee cute emo came in, all confused about dog food. Aww. And this builder.. he was like saying I had a gorgeous smile and he was all 'Stick your number in there love'

So I gave him it hahaha... then he sent me a text going..

I did mean it when I said u have a lovely smile...and uve beautiful teeth to match :)

TEETH

haha ever heard the likes of it in your life? so I didn't text back and and he rang later on and was all 'did you get my text love?'

'yes.'

'why didn't ya text back?'

'top up my phone and I will'

'ah you need a top up.. i'll have a think bout it' *laughs*

haha I don't even need a top up..well not for a couple of days. Whatever.

Then he was like tellin me he was comin up to randalstown on the weekend and I was all 'Cool what are you gettin up too?' and he was like 'I dunno, where ya takin me?'

NERVOUS LAUGHTER

I'm away on, im shattered

:)

xx

Demone Del Bambino

Poster I did for Media Studies (:

Shannen looks demented and Mr P still scares me.

You Make Alot Of Noise For Such A Little Girl

(8) She's such a rush, She's such a crush

She's one in a million, She's such a rush, Can't get enough

She's pumping through my veins

She's too fun to be so gone with me

Too good to be true to me (8)

SUCK ME

I'm the stupidest person I know

And I can't even help myself.

Again..

SUCK ME

You fag

Die Decisions

Fuckyyy school! antrim grammer doesn't do media studies

I'm going to have to find a WHOLE NEW SCHOOL to obsess over.

:(

Where am I gonna go now.....?

Someone make my decisions for me please.

If You Don't Love Me Someone Else Will

(8) Each step you take

Makes it easier to fall on your face

Each tear you fake

Makes it easier to see straight through you now

And you're so hateful sometimes

Throwing punches at lies

Fall from somewhere above

Just to say you're in love (8)

Good night last night. Went into belfast for a bit and met up with The Dude which was pretty surreal, but good xD

So yeah, missed my bus (fucking translink are bastards) and I ended up getting the quarter past 6 one.. to crumlin. Me and Natalie and Rachel all went down and met up with a bout a million wee lads it was unreal. We got some booze which was funny cause me and this guy went on a misson to get it and kept getting turned away until finally he got served.. after which 2 big bottles of smirnoff ice got smashed and one bottle of magners got smashed too..disaster. wdf? Everyone blamed the blonde guy-not fair :L

But yeah then we hung out in a church which was hilarious cause everyone was running around mental and it was just hilarious. Was some skaters and some PK'ers there too which was pretty cool.

This english guy Josh was the nicest person there, talked to him for ages. I know natalie likes him, so we were sorta talking bout that and I just basically let him know she liked him, and they ended up kissing and now they're going out. How fucking legendary. Although it was wierd because they were all really immature about it, everyone was running around being all "Natalie met josh! omg!" and forcing me to meet the guy who got the drink.

stfu.

So yeah made me realise why I generally don't like people my age :L

Lil Wayne is amazing.

(8) I'll make ya say Wee Oh, Wee Oh, Wee (8)

Lmao. Ben rang last night. Was good to talk to him again. Think he was a bit depressed. His GF's being a bitch. He deserves so much more than that tbhh..

Come On And Satisfy Me

(8) Babe for what I'm about to ask

Don't be ashamed.. I just love you girl

Babe as time will surely pass

Love shows its flame.. in my fuck you world

Look I just want to tape you..

All night (8)

Friday the 13th sucks. Wanted to get lenses put into my glasses but it's gonna cost me 50 quid or something because me "perscription didn't change" so I can't use the fucking NHS thing. WTF. Die.

Just dyed my hair. It looks like I haven't even done anything to it fuck sake :L dickhead dye.

I want new clothes. I wish i'd got that cardigan today =/ It was really nice =/

This is a shit blog, my life is incredibly boring.

I'm away to get a job.

Wanna Drink Baileys From A Shoe?

(8) Throw it away, Forget yesterday

We'll make the great escape

We won't hear a word they say

They don't know us anyway

Watch it burn, Let it die

Cause we are finally free tonight (8)

Wellllll I had a pretty cool day tbh =)

Aisling and Lanie are in London so it was just me and Amy. Strangely it was alot of fun =/ That's abit wierd. She came out with some funny shit. Actually today was a good day for people being funny.

Amy=

"I never know the words to songs, I feel so left out :("

"Then I'd eat a yoghurtnut.....a yoghurtnut? What the hell's a yoghurtnut"

"WHY DOES EVERYONE GO OUT WITH FARMERS?!"

"A-CAD-emic"
me="academic
"A-CAD-EMIC!"
me= "academic"
"Whatever" >.>

Marybeth=

(To me)
"I had SUCH an urge to slap your ass there"

Becca Biscuit=

"Do you wanna go to a club where people wee on eachother?"

Annmarie=

(On men)
me=What's your secret? Why do you always get men who buy you shit and treat you like a princess?
"Because daryl, I'm just a fucking cocktease"

God I love my friends.

I was in performing arts today and a group of us (8 and the teacher) were writing a script to fit my song into the showcase (well the teacher was, it's the shittest script i've ever seen. So bad. I'll be embarrassed to be part of it >.>) and when he was done he was all "and then daryl will sing" and looked at me expectantly and I was like

..."What? Now?!"
"Yeah it'll give you good practise"
"I'm a bit on the spot here"
"I know, but see how you handle it"

So I sang the first two verses of 'At Last'. I was quite happy with it actually, went really well. I like singing without music. It's so off-putting. But yeah, i'm more enthusiastic about the showcase now, although I can't really be fucked to be honest. It's an easy GCSE. I haven't done anything all year and he was telling me the other day how happy he is with my coursework. I was like "are you shitting me?" I think he's jus scared I'll quit and he'll have like no singers at all :L

Ben's been texting me all day. Most random thing ever. And B's comeing up on wednesday.... =/
I wonder how that'll go..... hmm

I wanna go to the cinema again :( Went last wednesday with my girls and it was fucking cracker. Went to see The Unborn. Freaky as fuck. Me and annmarie were hiding under my jacket and all of us were screaming every five minutes and roberto was on the patrol :L he makes me laugh :)

Meh i'm outties xD

I'll Never Be Good Enough For you.. Imperfect

(8) I'm sorry for the nights I let you down

Now all that's left to see is that I turned around

Back to the boy you fell in love with

Not this plague that brings you down

Remind your mom to call me, I still care

'Cause her approval meant the world

And I will not dare to disagree

With the life you arrange

Just remember only god knows if I change (8)

All I can say now is that i'm happy. Im happy that i've let this go. I'm happy that I can focus on something other than what I want. It's incredibly selfish anyway. Why do I keep pushing people away?

I've lost so much. That I can't get back.

I can only have hope for the future. But I know i'll do it again.

I'll break hearts because I didn't know. As a result i'll lose friends, because they wanted more than that. More than I could give them.

I'll lie to you. I'll go behind your back. I'll sneak around with someone because I didn't want the truth to come out.

Is it better now?

I'll get confused again.. He whispered "I Love you.. but i'm not in love with you. Not the same way I love her"

And i'll cry. I'll drag out a blade again. I'll leave marks that will never fade. I'll scream at my stupidity. I'll trace my scars and reminisce.

I thought I was happy.

I'll wonder how it got to this point.

He'll get suspicious again, he'll worry about me. He'll tell me he wants me to get better, he can't stand seeing me like this. Why does he care so much about me? I wish I knew. He's like my dad now. I'm going to miss him.

She'll tell me to ring up my best mate again. I don't like being reminded that we don't talk anymore. How can one person hold so many of my secrets. So much of my past. So much that no-one else knows. And how can I ignore her now?

I'll pour it down my throat, it will burn. We'll kiss and I'll remember that she's my best friend. We'll feel uncomfortable then laugh. She'll listen while I call him. I'll tell him again how he let me down. How i'm lost without him. Why am I so truthful when it hits my head? She'll tell me he's not worth it, I can do better. I won't believe her.

She'll spread rumours about me AGAIN and deny them. She knows that I can see through her. But she doesn't even apologise anymore. And we'll be friends. Why am I so gullible to people who pretend they care?

I'll make mistakes again. To get over the pain.
What does a touch do?

Makes me feel loved.

Makes me feel I have control.

Makes me feel that someone thinks about me, the way I think about him.

Makes me remember...

Whoa the first time. When we kissed outside her house. We left them for hours. Time stood still. And you cared. You remembered the necklace. You asked me what was wrong. Your hands wandered. I can't believe I didn't see. When you asked me if tonight was the night.

I'll apologize. Because I feel down on myself... I talk too much. Too much that's not important. Only to me.

From now on i'll stop.

I'm going to try and be happy from now on..

Death Gotta Be Easy, Cause Life Is Hard

(8) I was caught up in thinking if you would be the last

Ready set stop, take a breather

You wanna stop? me neither

Red light, yellow light, green light, go

Full speed ahead with nowhere to go

We're far too young, bold, beautiful, dignified, happy and keen

To the looks that you see in the magazines

I know that im far from perfect

All i need is one chance to show im worth it (8)

This whole week has felt like this....


Me and The Dude/The Boyfriend have went back to having a casual thing again. Why should I be tied down to someone who doesn't know what they want?

The whole thing is so trivial compared to everything else anyway.

I've walked around in a depression all week.

I might go back to counselling, things are crowding me again, overwhelming me with pressure. I'm so close to another phase. I can feel it creeping up on me. Like a big dirty spider. Like a dirty fighter.

Few days ago we were having our lunch in the art room. This DICKHEAD came in. Started slabbering to a mate, I didn't pay much attention cause that's all the fucker ever does. Next thing I hear a smack on the table. She's smashing my friends face into the table. She grabs her hair and starts punching her head. She can't do anything, she's fucking sitting down. She didn't even let her stand. The wanker leaves. My friend starts crying. I've never seen her cry. She's the strongest person I know, doesn't let anyone or anything sway her. She's like one of the only people I depend on now. I can't believe that within 5 minutes, this dirty fighter bitch has reduced my mate to hysterics...

But guess what...it's cool. We're getting that dick back. She's getting done for assult, i'm gonna be there as a witness. The other witnesses have pulled out. They're scared. Fuck them they didn't do anything at the time....Like me.

God I wish i'd done something...

The next day we talk to the principal, then our form teacher. I get a text from him. I ring him. I drag myself into the art storeroom so I don't yell infront of kids. I'm screaming down the phone. Shaking with.... anger?? Can't breathe. Cry my fucxxxking eyes out, he doesn't notice for ages. She comes in and hugs me, she offers to talk to him, I say no. She leaves for a second and I collapse on the floor. I love her..even though shes going through all that shit, she still has time to sort me out.. I hate that I can't control myself. I hate that this is happening again. It took so long to bring myself up last time, I don't want to go through this again, I won't be able to take it.

Great, tears again.

It's starting....

I Love Nickasaur