Ciara..=D

I mentioned this blog to ciara the other day, she asked if she was in it. I said yes, now she thinks i'm bitching about her to my computer. Ciara, if you're reading, you know I love you no matter how much you call me a wanker =D

That was actually really funny at her house. There was some random kid in her room when I got there and I was like "fuck now i'm gonna have to watch my language etc" because I have to be careful around kids with ciara, she doesn't like them being exposed to anything evil or something hahaha, whereas I woud talk to them like they're the same age as me. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a child and someone who is old enough to understand stuff in life. I dunno. So this kid was talking about chris brown excessively. To the point where me and ciara were gonna have a fucking meltdown. Unreal. It was actually really funny, ciara kept looking really stressed and the kid didn't notice and I could tell she was entirely on edge so i was practically on the floor laughing. My phone ended up with a fuckload of blue nailpolish on it. I think the kid did it when I wasn't looking. Accidently probably. Or maybe because I was being slightly sarcastic on the chris brown thing. I don't think she was amused.

Seen the dude yesterday. Some interesting points came up. For one, he called what we had a relationship. (incidently, I know, but it was just chance that my ears pick up certain words haha) and later on we were just hanging out and he asked me what I was thinking about (he does this alot =/) and so I told him about this other guy who I was sort of seeing every once in a while and that he got a girlfriend and never told me..and I mentioned that it hurt, and that it got me thinking about us.

To this..he said "well if I ever got a girlfriend, you'd be the first to know"

I don't find this encouraging. I'm definately not waiting around for him anymore. I think it's clear where I stand now.

Still not sure about what to do for new years, ronnie asked me to come up to his and just have a quiet night and I told him about that gig, and said he could come and keep me company if he wanted. Oh and I just found out that the guy who was spreading that shit about me is going to be there. Oh the joy of it all. FUCKER.

When I got home last night me and dean watched Natural Born Killers. Robert Downey Jr was amazing. The directing was really good, it was admirable. I think it's made one of my favourite films, it was awesome. I would recommend watching it.

<3 When everything ends, When what we have is over, I won't cry like I did over him. I'll remember the times I felt loved. I'll hold on to the passion I felt around you. I'll make sure I don't remember you as what you really are, what I know, but can't see. I'll remember you as what I always wanted you to be. <3

New Years Plans..?

Rang B back. He asked me to go to this place for new years to listen to his mates band. Surprisingly I might go. I'm sick of everything being one sided.

I'm gonna get my own.

Again.

Ok he fucking did it again. The Dude didn't text me back. I'm so sick of this, I only wanted a lousy text, since he had text me in the morning and talked about hanging out. Screw that.

Ter came round today which was cool. We hung out in randalstown and he came to mine for a bit. We walked past the charity shop and beauty and the beast was being sold! I was like OMG because i've fully wanted it on video ever since I lost mine. I got it on DVD but it's not the same. The new version has a stupid song in it called "human again" and it's awful :( So I bought the tape for all of 35p...Hell fucking Yesssss

The relationship I have with Ter Ter is so wierd..because we have these names for each other (I actually gave him that nickname, and now everyone calls him it) and we have this really open friendship..and like we've only known each other really well for just over two years and we've been really close for the past year. We see each other as much as we can and he stays over and all. We're so comfortable with each other that we sleep in the same bed but suddenly there's been some wierd thing between us. Like when we get too close to each other it's awkward. But it SHOULDN'T be! And he said recently that that he liked me and asked me out. And then it was sort of wiped over. And he said today that he only ever likes people for like two weeks. But at the time he asked me out, he said he's liked me for a year.

God I don't know. And then The Dude was saying that girls and guys can never be "just friends" which made me extremely paranoid. And he said that there is something he fancied about all his mates. Makes me feel really good about myself like. Dick.

(8) She's Sexy..She Wants To Move..Look At Your Girl..She Loves It! I Can See It In Her Eyes..(8)

NERD ftw!

(8) She's Perfect In A Fucked Up Way..That All The Magazines Seem To Wanna Glorify These Days..She Looks Like A Teenage Anthem..She Looks Like She Used To Be Happy With The Girl Inside.. (8)

Everclear ftw too :D

So Much For The Afterglow

Christmas is so close now. Only got presents yesterday. Haven't got anything in the post from dad yet =/ wonder what's up with that.

I hate the way everyone's so obsessed about this christmas shite. I'm so bored of it all. The first hour of christmas fucking rocks, the rest of the day is shite lets face it, and the build up is so annoying it hurts.

I'm also fully loaded with the flu, so I can't even go and hang out with the dude i'm having that "thing" with. It's been like a month now since I seen him. I wonder what's wrong with us. We used to wanna see each other more often, he used to text way more and stuff. I still like him though, obviously. He means a fuckload to me if i'm perfectly honest.

We never talk about the future, We never talk about the past anymore..We never ask ourselves the answers to the questions that nobody even wants to know. I guess the honeymoon is over. So much for the afterglow, so much for the afterglow.

I remember when we used to wanna hang out, I remember we could talk about anything.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=n09xfdn7thA

That song pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole thing. Hahaha......damn I miss him. He rang a couple of days ago and asked me round but I wasn't really feeling up to it. And then I text him yesterday off my cousins phone and he didn't text back. Would love to know what the hell is up. Did he find someone else in the space of a day? Do I even care? ..well, yes..of course I do because I like him and I get jealous sometimes, like anyone else. But I have no reason to because we're not going out together. I think it's got alot to do with sharing something really special with him. I think that's why I feel like this.

Fuck it, I don't even know. This sort of thing confuses me to the point of breakdown, i'm better not thinking about what he's doing with other girls..

=/

ANYWAY i'm out here. Best christmas songs i've came across so far..

Fall Out Boy.. Yule shoot your eye out
Everclear..I will be hating you for christmas
My Chemical Romance..All i want for christmas is you

..Perfect =D

Ashleigh Got It!!!

She got the tattoo, omg its so nice. Really low on her hip, hmmm.. I guess only brendy will be seein it ;).. I'm glad she looked up the notes again, I thought one note was a double when i drew it out, and i mentioned it but she wasn't sure, so now it's sorted since she checked again =/

Amy got me my secret santa, it's really nice. She got loads of stuff from fresh garbage for me. Thigh high socks, with red bows at the back which i've wanted for AGESSS, then two stargazer loose glitters, pink and black, two clips (bows with guns, fucking awesome), two packets of inscence. She's a legend, didn't think she'd get me something that i really liked. And she went into fresh garbage for me like! how sweet. Amy's a really good friend when i think about it, and a really nice person.

Omg school assembly was on today. It's torture. They get the choir (AKA performing arts group who practise like only one day before they actually perform) to sing awful, awful songs. Shit nerds to read out stuff about jesus. And the music people to play terrible xmas songs on the tin whistle and the violin. The whole event is only bareable because it's almost so bad it's good. You just have to take the piss like lmao. I successfully avoided the choir, thank god, even though i'm one of the groups core singers (there isn't much talent in my school, so i'm considered good HAHA).. make your own decision lmfao http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=i67fS8-lsxI

Anyway that's me off for xmas, gonna get loads of art stuff done. Need both my 2D and 3D projects finished by january, almost finished the 2D (a CD cover, inside booklet, back, and tray card-practically a whole CD thing bar the CD) and working on some stuff for the 3D (a wooden box, with pewter-a metal thing- hanging, and trapped string pictures on the side with a blown up painting at the back -wierd much?)

Im out here..Word to aine, can't believe he's done this to you, you deserve so much better.

Biggest injustice in the world

Men are "studs"
When women are "sluts"

...sick

Delicate Tattoo's and Zombies

Ok I lied in the other blog. I only like one guy alot. The others just pass the time until I see him. He's pretty awesome. I hate him sometimes.

Ok I lied again.

But it would be so much easier to hate him to be honest.

Hmm..anywayyy went round to annmaries earlier, she wasn't in. I forgot about her kickboxing dinner. My mate damien/mark got her to text me with the name of the guy I mentioned in the yellow eyeshadow blog. The one who spread shit about me. Damien just won't let that go Lmao..it's getting sort of annoying.

I hate that one mistake gave me such a bad reputation. It just shows..you really need to be careful what you get up to. I wish i'd been smarter that day. But as I always say..You shouldn't regret anything. So I would look at this as an experience. Not a positive one, but one I definately learned from.

A friend told me about a member of his family who has cancer. She didn't even know, and a tumor was found. He doesn't think she'll be around long. That sort of shit really puts things in perspective. I wish I could be there for him, I really do. He doesn't think he needs anyone, because of the circumstances. If we were closer i'd probably be able to help, but he won't let me in. He won't show me who he really is. Which is frustrating, but i'm trying to get used to it.

Saturday was amazing, went to aine's and sat with her and her boyfriend for a while. Then he had to go to work and we had some drinks. We thought we were fine and we made random videos. The next day we were like...Whoa I didn't know we were drunk Hahaha..we were in the carpark outside her house and she was taking a video of me. And she was all "DO BLAIR WITCH SHIT!" so I was like "ahh!" and we were dancing to music on my phone on the picnik benches. And suddenly we heard a huge noise and we just SCREAMED and ran all the way to the house, it was friggin LEGEND! lmao then we thought decky was a zombie..and we rang like ten people and woke them all up. Awesome night. Next saturday=same thing x2 =)

Designed Ashleighs tattoo today. She's getting it done tomorrow. Music notes to the first line in damien rice's "delicate". I offered to help her draw it out, but I ended up doing it all. Which is scary. She'll have something I drew, ON HER.......forever!! omg what if I fucked it up? Aisling wants me to do hers aswell, a star with twirly shit for her wrist...bad.

Dashboard confessional=Hands down. Ashleigh's gonna blast it when the needle is going haha..good song, like stolen too. Guy looks funny though lol..

Ok i'm gonna sleep I think. Watched all five american pies over the weekend..that's gotta be some kind of record. First three on one night, and two on another. unreal.

..

Ok he rang back. Apologized for not texting back, he was busy. Whatever.

Brother just brought back american pie boxset. It's starting to look more appealing than a night with him.

Full On Lesbianism

I'm so confused by everyone romantically-wise. Right now I have four men in my life that I do like quite alot. One of which i'm having a "thing" with. Another that I don't know if we're having a "thing" anymore. One is an "ex" and the last..Well, he made some decisions he shouldn't have. I've never had anything with him, but itching to know what it would be like.

There's also this girl Danica who I like =) She's awesome tbh..haven't even met her because she lives in england and stuff, but she's planning to come over. She's great. She was gonna top up my phone yesterday so I could text her, but i told her not to. I would feel bad. But yeah. We have some amazing plans for when she comes over ;) sweeeet.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to be full on lesbian. Men can be so heartless. For instance, I text this guy earlier at 20 to 4. It's now 5.20. And you know..sometimes he doesn't text me back if we've planned something. Even if HE was the one who made the plans!

I don't understand at all, it's not as if i'm expecting an explanation (although that would be nice), but all I want is him to tell me what's happening so that I don't waste my fucking time. Although evidently a one word text is wayyyy too much to ask of someone who has such a "busy" fucking schedule.

There are no good men left. I'm starting to doubt if there were any to begin with. Actually I can't say that. My brother is a good man. My mate ronnie is friggin class. He's totally there for me all the time. I ask him to meet me in belfast and he's there. My shoulder to cry on. I honestly could not be able to recall the amount of times he's listened to me whinge about boyfriends, or annoyed him about getting into music I listen to. Or went to all the shops I want to go to without even complaining. He bails me out of some tricky situations as well..Whoa i don't know where I would be without him honestly. I don't mean this to sound dramatic, but my life would be completely different if he hadn't helped me out that time. I know that for a fact. I owe alot to him. And although he's done all this for me, I never really tell him how amazing he is. He's one of the only people I truly trust, and yet girls treat him badly! I don't get it! Everytime he tells me about some chick who has been a bitch, I feel like actually beating them to a bloody pulp.He doesn't deserve that. I respect him more than I respect anyone in this entire world <3

Can't stop listening to 'delicate' by damien rice..It's so beautiful. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vw2XXP1SdA0

Bruised Stomach, Tired Legs, Sore Throat...Aka...YOU ME AT SIX ROCKED

You me at six was awwwweeeesssooooommmmmeeee

We were so close! there was only like 2 people infront of me and i could have died..i actually kinda hyperventilated a bit (that coming back? haven't hyperventilated in aaaagggeeesssss) and yeah, it was great =)

Josh was soooo close, i fully almost touched him. Threw my bow up on stage but he hardly looked at it. Rage. hahaha.

Lost lanie for a while and i ended up trying to save this tiny girl who was actually 16 but so small and she was getting crushed by the moshers. then i couldn't breathe and i kept hearing DARYL DARYL DARYL, but i thought i was imagining things, looked around and whos standing there? the two little emo kids from school, wdf?

ok picture time

Josh Josh Aled Amazing I would That ain't even zoomed! fuckkk me. Legend.

Hopeless Sometimes

I keep having nightmares, babe
Sing me to sleep with your beautiful lies
Lieing in bed i can see my breath
Like smoke from a cigarette
When you're here, the smoke dances

It's so cold in here without you
So cold when you're here.
I know i'm not the only one who lies in your bed
You changed your sheets yesterday
Who was it this time?

I've been dreaming
Of the next time i see you
In my head it's planned
I know what i'm going to do
But you never think ahead
You don't care enough to

I'm having nightmares of you
That you're in love with me
I'm so scared tonight
Because I know it'll never be the same
It's so hard to forget all those dirty stains
They won't come out

I wish every part of me could agree on you
But i can't keep myself away
It's so hard to let you go