Happysummerblog!

Here's some happy summer pictures to make you smile, i hope you're having a good one :)
welcome new follower, RainboRevolver!

i own none of these pictures by the way!

my mom whisked me off to a french-looking cottage

and it's cute as hell! but so scary. there's a big open lake with abandoned buildings right outside, and it hasn't stopped raining.

but i'm glad to get away from everything, i've been feeling too detached anyway.
from my best friend, who's constant changing life is hard to keep up with, i'm falling behind.
from others who have been neglected because of how i've been lately.
and my boyfriend, whos actions and words i am constantly over-analysing.

hmm. it's nice to put everything out of my head.

Shine on.

sometimes it's easy to put people to the back of your mind.

out of nowhere, i dreamt of her. last night. i dreamt she was alive, we were having fun but she fell. i looked after her. i knew in my heart she was not alive, i had to save her from the people who wanted to pronounce her dead.
so we ran together, her legs not bound to a chair.

they caught us and i hugged her and cried, and couldn't stop crying. and she felt real in my arms, i felt her thin arms and shoulders, and her dark hair in my face.

WHY THE FUCK am i even TRYING anymore. gawd fuck this. fucking let-downs.

Selfishness and generousity.

a recent fall-out with a friend has made me realise just how selfish people can be sometimes. like, how much do we expect from other people, how much do we rely on this as a basis for which to judge who is "good" and who is "bad"?

i am a generous person. i like helping people, and i like giving. i like being thoughtful, it makes me happy. but people can, and often do, take advantage.

i'm not going to stop giving as it's in my nature, but rather, stop wasting time on those who cant reciprocate.

every time i feel vulnerable, it's the people who i love, and who i think i can trust, that let me down.