i'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin me that i need to move on, on the other side i, wanna break down and cry.

the bin in my room just fell. i looked inside. the stupid pringles tin he left in my room less than two weeks ago.

jesus, is that all it's been? 12 days?
feels like forever.
i've preoccupied myself with people, with schoolwork, anything that doesn't involve being alone with my thoughts.

and what sparks me off in the end? a crisps packet. how stupid.

so now i'm thinking. just wanting to call and hear his voice.

i can't. my instinct tells me there's been a shift in his head, he's moved on?

don't be a little bitch with your chit chat, just show me where your dicks at.

we were meant to be seeing each other today.
he waited until an hour and a half before we were meant to meet up to tell me he wasn't in the "mood".
i overreacted like i always do, but he didn't even apologise until i pointed it out, TWICE. seriously.
i just feel like he constantly plays games with me, he says he still loves me and all, then he does stuff like this that makes me think it's all bullshit.
i told him to ring me if he wanted to salvage this.
i just want some sign that i should hold on......

effort.

i'm not going to ask him to talk, or explain, or change.
because i'm so ...exhausted... trying to get through to someone who doesn't want gotten through to.
who think's they're always right.
who doesn't listen.

i didn't understand when my boyfriend started telling me all these things.
i "can't" understand.
i have theories. none he would acknowledge.

i feel like i'm not part of something anymore.
i make the effort and talk to him, getting tiny amounts back.
pointless. and empty.

Oh how i love thee, Zooey :)

No, I couldn't help but fall in love again.

I Adore She&Him.

Zooey Deschanel is like this sweet, beautiful, pure girl. I don't know why more people aren't entirely in love with her.

Shine on.

sometimes it's easy to put people to the back of your mind.

out of nowhere, i dreamt of her. last night. i dreamt she was alive, we were having fun but she fell. i looked after her. i knew in my heart she was not alive, i had to save her from the people who wanted to pronounce her dead.
so we ran together, her legs not bound to a chair.

they caught us and i hugged her and cried, and couldn't stop crying. and she felt real in my arms, i felt her thin arms and shoulders, and her dark hair in my face.

I'll be honest...

The thought of you sleeping with someone else makes me feel really icky and unhappy.

bbq'n it out with le fam.

There is nothing more important in this world than family.

Last night was amazing.

Between my canadian cousin playing like every instrument he could get his hands on-exceptionally well, i must say-and my two uncles playing together, singing together. wow. my auntie was like asking them how the hell they aren't getting out there, when there are these other local bands that are nowhere near as good connor and paul are.

Very true.

So we had lovely food and had a heater going, amazing music, there was some tearful moments like, but it was just so good.

Then everyone faded one by one and me and my cousin and uncle sat up getting high and talking shit. and laughing at everything.

It just reminded me how awesome my family is, and how lucky i am.

It's really sad that people have families that aren't close... :/

Be my vampire.

Girl, you don't want true love

True love will rip you open

It'll tear you up.

I wish that every man was as respectful as an old vampire.

Why have things changed so much.

Pfft.

Can innocence have two sides?

Dark...

And Light...

We had a promise made. We were in love.

(8) I really can't believe.. I lost myself again (8)

i loathe when you crave something so badly that it eats you up inside..
you don't close your eyes in fear of imagining it..
you don't let your hands wander incase you remember the touch.
you hold your breath, because it's so hard to forget, when the rhythm of lips colliding is seared into your tongue.
when you're so close to what you need, and yet you can't reach.
when every heartbeat pulls with magnetic force.

together.

I got you babe! this valentines day :)

(8) i can't make you love me if you don't (8)

valentines day was so awesome. best valentines day of my life. my mate told me she'd ordered flowers, and then rang me at like 4 and said 'look im sorry i lied, i didn't order you flowers, but come outside' she was there. with a me to you bear and a bunch of flowers. ohmywow. she'd got two buses to get to me, then she took me out and bought me a chinese. i couldn't ask for a better friend like :) she is love, beauty, and immense kindness. she is perfecto!

This is life.

-Where are we?

-We're everywhere...and anywhere...

...Together

favourite arcade.

im so sick of being melodramatic.
so im going to write this with no stupid lyrics, no stupid metaphors, just like it is.

i've been seeing my "boyfriend" on and off for like a year and a bit..
yet we've only been offical for not even a month.
and in this month, i have seen him like...three times?!
all three times i have went to him.
in this month, he has stood me up like.. three times.
so he's stood me up the same amount of times i've seen him.

what i'd like to know is, what have i actually got out of this month?
i've got collectively like seven hours of happiness with him.
he doesn't text me unless we're making plans, so i haven't had those little awesome times either when you get a text that makes you smile and you feel loved, nope, haven't had that.
thinking about it, he doesn't even text me when we ARE making plans.

the bottom line is.. i can't see other people, and i can't see him either? im basically single, but not allowed to see anyone.

self esteem is like this much *holds thumb and finger apart*

it's not that we don't have a great time when we're together, and i do love him, but i'm starting to wonder if this is the right thing.

personally i think people should have equal amounts of respect for each other, take turns in visiting each other, and WANT to see each other, in a relationship. clearly, i have none of these things.

i just want him to show me he loves me. right now he's just another guy.

I wish everyone was happy.

I wish everyone could have shiny nice lives.
Shiny happy people.
I wish Ciara could have everything she deserves and more.









And i guess i wish he would show me he means everything he's said.