Now.

Well. I was going to go to sleep. But i need to gather my thoughts.
I am feeling so immensely indifferent right now.
Have had a hangover for two days now, as i was out with roisin friday and a house party last night.
Last night was unreal.
An old friend was there.
I used to like him, and he used to like me. So it was awesome to see him. We had a fun time :) and i made a new friend, he was brilliant :) the whole night was really good because i was drinking, but this morning i just felt really shitty. I heard new friend saying 'is she ok?' and stuff, which was really comforting. Then this really arrogant guy was leaning over me going 'are you alive?' and i was like eurghhhh.
I felt so out of place now that my favourite people had left.
I felt really wierd and horrible, so i left without giving james a hug.
I got the bus on my own.
Got to town on my own.
Had half an hour to dander about.

My mp3 player was so in sync with me. i felt like i was in donnie darko. tears for fears played and it made me really happy, and i smiled at people. i walked into the disney shop and looked at the new princess and the frog stuff, and didnt get annoyed when the security guard followed me. i looked over a photographers shoulder. he was standing on a little ladder and pointing his camera in the city hall direction, he had a massive tripod. and i realised im kind of into photography now.

I just feel like i can't really talk to anyone right now.
I can talk to the guy in england.
But thats only because he's not like real.
he's just a perfect illusion of what i want a person to be, and i am to him.
He sent me a letter yesterday.
It's perfect too.
It makes me sad that some day we might meet up and we won't be so perfect anymore.
He's such a good friend to me.

I hate seeing people unhappy. I don't know whats happening with everyone now.
I don't like finding out that my friends boyfriend is being a dick again.
I loved it when they were my idea of perfection.
He's a wanker to me now.
I hate that he's not exactly what she wants.
Because you can't help who you fall in love with.
And all i want is for them to be happy again.
I have nothing else to say, so i'm going to lie down for a while.
I wish i had a hand to hold right now.
His hand.

im outtie.