we like boys in c-ars. buy us drinks in b-ars.

lovely night last night
i met awesome people
and realised how good i am at being a free person
why was i scared!? :)

Now.

Well. I was going to go to sleep. But i need to gather my thoughts.
I am feeling so immensely indifferent right now.
Have had a hangover for two days now, as i was out with roisin friday and a house party last night.
Last night was unreal.
An old friend was there.
I used to like him, and he used to like me. So it was awesome to see him. We had a fun time :) and i made a new friend, he was brilliant :) the whole night was really good because i was drinking, but this morning i just felt really shitty. I heard new friend saying 'is she ok?' and stuff, which was really comforting. Then this really arrogant guy was leaning over me going 'are you alive?' and i was like eurghhhh.
I felt so out of place now that my favourite people had left.
I felt really wierd and horrible, so i left without giving james a hug.
I got the bus on my own.
Got to town on my own.
Had half an hour to dander about.

My mp3 player was so in sync with me. i felt like i was in donnie darko. tears for fears played and it made me really happy, and i smiled at people. i walked into the disney shop and looked at the new princess and the frog stuff, and didnt get annoyed when the security guard followed me. i looked over a photographers shoulder. he was standing on a little ladder and pointing his camera in the city hall direction, he had a massive tripod. and i realised im kind of into photography now.

I just feel like i can't really talk to anyone right now.
I can talk to the guy in england.
But thats only because he's not like real.
he's just a perfect illusion of what i want a person to be, and i am to him.
He sent me a letter yesterday.
It's perfect too.
It makes me sad that some day we might meet up and we won't be so perfect anymore.
He's such a good friend to me.

I hate seeing people unhappy. I don't know whats happening with everyone now.
I don't like finding out that my friends boyfriend is being a dick again.
I loved it when they were my idea of perfection.
He's a wanker to me now.
I hate that he's not exactly what she wants.
Because you can't help who you fall in love with.
And all i want is for them to be happy again.
I have nothing else to say, so i'm going to lie down for a while.
I wish i had a hand to hold right now.
His hand.

im outtie.

Snowheart <3

(8) Oily marks appear on walls

Where pleasure moments hung before.

The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this..still life.

Hide and seek.

Trains and sewing machines.

(Oh, you won't catch me around here)

Blood and tears,

They were here first. (8)

Snow's here.

the first time i saw a speck of it, i was under a street lamp, holding a warm hand.

i wanted to take a picture of it.

instead i just stood there and looked at it, until i was pulled away.

Today it's so deep.

I did such a pretty picture in it.

do you like it?

Last night was awesome.

I felt a bit like this...

If that makes sense..

i had some beautiful kisses.

i felt really proud when two strands of my life met and mixed.

and i observed the people i shared a tiny room with in a completely different light.

which caused them to ask if i was ok, which i thought was hilarious :)

i cleaned up my best friends sick.

then i cleaned up another friend's sick, who was only sick because the other chick was sick.

pahahahahaha.

then i ran downstairs with this girl. and we were mesmerized by the fact that suddenly the outside of her house was completely coated in white, untouched by footprints as it was 5.30 in the morning. i pressed my face against the glass, breathed, and forgot everything for about 3 minutes. it was really special to me.

that's all for now.

enjoy the snow while it's here please, as the serenity and beauty of untouched snow cannot be matched by any other sight.