Therapy Session #8-violent words and empty threats, aint it sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied.

i just read old emails, from someone i was in love with. it's like i was blind. i can't believe i didn't see it before, i constantly put SO MUCH into something that wasn't there. i realise what i was to him now.

i treated him like he was the only man in the world, like i was in debt to him because he loved me. i held on to him as if no other man would love me, touch me, or kiss me the same way. like he was the only man with a penis and a mouth. i'm sad we're not friends, but i'm glad i can finally see.

Therapy Session #6-And you give yourself away.

i'm applying for glasgow. i want to get away from here, go somewhere to be taught properly. on my own.

it's like... do you ever feel like your life is missing something? or someone? ...i do. i can feel it in my stomach. it's out there, it or she or he. maybe it's myself, maybe i need to find my own way. to satisfy the yearning.

i just don't want to be alone. that's what's holding me here. i want familiarity, safety. but if the last 10 weeks have taught me anything? it's that i can survive without it.

Therapy session #5-You're just a big fish in a small pond.

It's beaut when people think they have the ability to "change the world" or whatever when they're really just unimaginative, unoriginal melters.

I went to these awards last night, all these semi-famous (for belfast) people were there, and i was sitting with the mayor on one side and this old, controversial artist on the other side called Conrad and he was telling me to get away from here for art college.

I'm starting to agree. there's nothing here for me anymore.

Therapy Session #4-for....everybody.

this is for every time you lay in bed thinking about me.
for everytime you spread shit about me.
for everytime you lied to me, sorry you still have a girlfriend? oh.
..everytime you played pretend to my face, then stole every word from me.
this is for every kiss and every hug, making me more attached.
for every sick bastard who tries to use me, i'm not an idiot anymore.
for my own dickheadness, my own impurity.
for every stupid thought about what you're doing, who you're with. my jealousy rages on.

Therapy Session #3-my eyes are open up with pure sunlight

Why was i such a crazy bitch?
really?
looking back now, i was.
being crazy and dramatic about everything, things i'd never get angry at with anyone else.
it's because i cared far too much...

Therapy Session #2-second hand rag doll

have i reached the top already?
i'm second hand.
out of love.
damaged goods.

i will never be pure again.

Therapy Session #1-talk is cheap.

why say things "just because"?
say things you don't mean...
it's not acceptable,
infact it's disgusting and deceiving,

..and it makes me angry just thinking about how sick it makes me.