Wake up Sleeping Beauty wake up!

With everything that's been going on I forgot to write about my date with The Ex/The Dude the other night.

wow, I asked him to meet me at 5, he did. I asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema, he paid. he opened doors for me, held my hand and he laughed at me when I got scared of a guy dressed as the frank rabbit. I felt safe with him. he bought us a chinese and we fell asleep together.

I'm actually so impressed.
my mate says it's "two years too late" but I think it's just right :)
I'm excited!

Date me. Or don't, whatever.

So prom was last night.

I have pictures but I haven't got my camera.

The night was so tainted.

I actually hated parts of it.

One of my best friends got SO PISSED at me.

It was horrible.

He's never gotten angry at me before.

Then I got angry that he was angry.

See I hadn't seen Hot Guy in ages, he used to be a really close mate. actually we "went out" in p4, hahaha adorable. anyway, he offered me a joint in his hotel room and I asked My Mate if that was cool and he said yes.

Then Tall Girl went and got her boyfriend who was with My Mate and they came up then left again. Rocker Afro Guy was there too, and me and him used to hang in first year. It was really cool to see him again, and we shared a joint out the window and he kissed me and stuff, then I told him I had to go and he was like "i've wanted to do this since first year" and I was like "mannnn we're not doing anything, I have to go" so we left and I saw My Mate walking away. So I went to talk to him and he totally blanked me. And I didn't understand. Then Tall Girl said he was pissed off because he said he'd heard "groans" from the room (groans?!?) I seriously did not get it and I tried to explain (even though I felt it was nobodys business even if I had done something) and he said he "didn't know what was going on" and that he heard me with "william" and I was like WHAT. like who the hell is william?

So he had it in his head i'd fucked some random guy in a hotel room.

So much for knowing me.

Then he was saying this to people.

I just felt like absolute shit. I talked to him as much as possible because I didn't want to ruin his night but I can tell he didn't believe me.

It really hurt that he would jump to conclusions and then not even open his mind to the possiblity he didn't hear what he thought he heard. even this morning he said about a mark on my neck. and I was like... "yeah that was already there from The Ex's last night" and he was like "I didn't see it" Then he told me that's why he was annoyed too, because he thought I was cheating too.

Eugh.

I think he's dealing with some other shit right now so i'm trying to let the whole thing slide but the fact that I know he's thinking something untrue about me is really fucking annoying.

I'm glad I had Sexylovergirl with me or I don't know what I would have done.

Well anyway, both my childhood crushes kissed me, so, success.

You. Are. A. Fucking. Whore.

Song for lovers..

Here’s a song for lovers
Who don’t care if they don’t sleep
If dragonflies with heavy hearts
Cut the air like darts

Here’s a song for lovers
Who won’t ever have to weep
Clear-sighted eyes and uncried tears
All bright out in the sun

You were far too young dear
To get so close to the clouds
No one told you to stay awake
For pleasures of that kind

You were far too small
To step far outside of your house
Now you saw how dragonflies
Tint their hearts with dark

Here’s a song for lovers
Who don’t care if they bleed

You. Are. Naïve.

Fuck this bullshit, it's time for smiles.

earlier, my friend text me asking me if she should stay with her boyfriend.
obviously i have no right to answer this, one because i don't know him well enough to make an informed judgement and two, because i have no idea how he really makes her feel.
so i told her: do what makes you happy, regardless of what other people think.

you just have to.
sure, the odd cry gets out the sorrows, but people who get upset for days on end over little things need to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. it's ok!

You. Are. Happy :)

monster in my tummyyy.

euggrhhh. i am freaking out.
see i've had this really crazy pain that comes and goes in my tummy for like three weeks now.
I didn't think much of it at the start, but it's got like all the time.
i've never had a strange pain. i've only ever had sore throats and stuff.
i've got an appointment wednesday but i was talking to my mate matthew today and he TOTALLY freaked me out. plus i've been looking up my symptoms and all signs point to: not good.
i'm hoping for the best but thinking the worst.
sheesh.

Que tu m'aimais encore, serais ce possile alors?

I guess I was wrong
about the kisses you bestowed on me
the hands that roamed on me
(the nights my heart spoke to you)
the girl that was put behind you
the "job" that "took all of your time"
(the words that said "..the love of my life")
the bed that held us there
the smiles that made us
(the convenience of your lies)
the poetry I inspired, indeed
the snow and sun, we walked
(the nothingness you portrayed to me)
the beauty that wilted now
the bodies are gone
(are you happy now, "lover"?)

what i wanna know baby, if what we had was good, how. come. you. don't. call me. anymore.

i'm so disappointed.
but i seen it coming.
so i went out tonight, and it was okay! i still feel like i'm in a relationship though, so the man action was minimal. i did the usual and got whatever i could from them then ditched. tonight it was a free lift, ahoo.
i just feel so let down tonight.
everything was bullshit, he never meant what he said. and i was stupid enough to take him back again and again, and believe him again and again.
i'll never be able to be free in a relationship again.
jaded.