He Stands Alone Because He's High On Himself

(8) Fell in love with a girl

I fell in love once and almost completely

She's in love with the world,
But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading

She turns and says "are you alright?"
I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating"
"Come and kiss me by the riverside
Yeah, bobby says it's fine

He don't consider it cheating now" (8)

What a shitty day it is today. I need a job or something. Dad rang this morning, woke me up. He's got something for my birthday or something, I dunno. I'm probably gonna have to collect it or something.

I really want perscription lenses in my geeky glasses. I wonder how long it's been since my last eye test? Virtually blind like. Die.

I love my new dress. I can't wait to wear it on friday it's so cute. I'm gonna wear it with my new leather jacket and my punk heels. The ones with cute pink skulls on them. Hell yes.

James rang this morning! Yay! He's such a legend, I told him about how every time I ring his house his dad is a dick to me and I've given up. I really miss james. He's coming up next sunday we arranged, or i'm going up to his. I hope I'm going up there, I love his house. And we sleep up in the attic which is pretty awesome. Some Pics of me and James (:





Having an awesome MSN convo with an ex..well sort of.
SmileBuck.. I've had some shit ones like
Reckless Abandon.. Shit meets?
SmileBuck..Aye
Reckless Abandon..Like..? I hope you don't mean me
SmileBuck.. No! You were great ;)
Reckless Abandon..Cheers.
SmileBuck.. Like frosties
Reckless Abandon.. What?!
SmileBuck.. They're g-g-g-reat
Reckless Abandon.. You fucking legend.

I realised something else today. Men are idiots. Like COMPLETE idiots.

You tell them that when you say something, you might not neccessarily mean it. 2 weeks down the line and they believe you. What did I say before? Gawd.

When you're a bitch to them or ignore them they fucking love you. When you're nice to them they hate you. There's no way to win. (meaning all the guys I don't like think i'm great and the ones I have any interest in seem to not give a shit-useful)

And it's like when they're not using you, they're fucking trying to. That's what I took from last night.

I love these guys (:

(8) A half mast commute through umbilical blisters

Spectre will lurk

Radar has gathered

Midnight nooses from boxcar cadavers (8)

I Am Human And I Need To Be Loved.

(8) Just Like Anybody Else Does..(8)

Wierd day today, done alot of arty shite. I did a painting of flowers. I don't like it. I picked "Life And Death" as my theme, but I was planning to focus on the death part, but the problem was that it didn't say death anywhere on the paper, just life. Which sucks because I think she (my art teacher) is expecting me to do loads of flower shite. Everyones like "you're doing FLOWERS?!" and saying how wierd it is to see me painting normal stuff. (My last project was entitled 'Imagination' and incuded vampires, self harm and george, my shrunken head xD)

I went down to the butchers today and asked if they would let me go down into the back "if they had meat like..hanging gruesomely on hooks and stuff" and the guy laughed and lead me down the back with my little camera. The guy had really stunning bright blue eyes and he was really dead on and funny. I was glad he wasn't mean. So he brought me down the back and let me "fire away" which I did. I got loads. Here's my favourite.

I was wanting to get out of there pronto. It was like one of those rooms in a horror movie that the girl gets locked into before she's killed. I wish i'd had someone with me..Ter Ter offered, but he took too long to get ready. I think it must have been wierd to see this small girl with big hair coming out of a butchers filled with men and they all looked at me wierd. People down here don't really get me. Almost everyone in "the town" looked me up and down. One woman drove past and turned her head right around, straining to see me wdf. And I got tonnes of beeps from the guys who sit on the road in their cars. The guys round here don't see many girls. And their only way to communicate is beeping like animals. Tards :L

I liked my outfit today =D

Me and mammoth are fully texting again, it's so good to know we're mates at the very least. Well..not exactly from the things he's been saying ;)

I've never had anyone talk to me the way he does. He knows just what to say. He thinks I do aswell. He text me saying "Fuck me you know what a guy wants" hahaha.

OMG and B rang earlier :0 He asked me down to see his mates band-again. I told him I was going to a house party-I ended up not going. He said he'd been really busy with tech and stuff and said he wanted to see me soon. I told him about butters and how he text me asking to meet up on valentines day when he flies in from london. B was all "yeah you know what he's looking don't you?" but I hadn't really thought of that. I'm starting to wonder if he's over me. I don't mean that in a big headed way, they actually fell out over me what the hell! I met them both on the same day and butters liked me right away and he used to ring me all the time and we'd talk for ages, and I thought we were just friends then he asked me to like make out with him or something and I said something about not ruining our friendship. But I had liked B that whole time, and kissed him that day at the station and a few times after. They started fighting more and then butters moved to england. Wierd.

Well anyway B ended the phone call with "I was just making sure you're ok. I still consider you one of my good mates, remember that. Take care"

He's so sweet. I wish I still felt that way about him, we'd be really good together. I'm glad we both consider each other friends now though, that makes me feel really happy (:

I wish all my friends were still my friends. But they're not. I hate it. I miss the way we used to be.

I miss you girl. Please come back.

Boys Don't Cry (I Wish)

(8) I would tell you.. That I loved you.. If I thought that you would stay..

But I know that it's no use.. That you've already.. Gone away..

Misjudged your limit.. Pushed you too far.. Took you for granted..
I thought that you needed me more (8)

How Soon Is Now?

Me and mammoth are sort of talking again. Would it be easier if he was just out of my life completely?

I Really Miss Your Hair In My Face,
And The Way Your Innocence Tastes.

Those lyrics are so stupid. "miss your hair in my face" he sounds like a wierdo.

My brother made a remark on The Dude earlier. (seriously..obsessed much?) and I got a little annoyed. I think he noticed. I think he might know =/

I'm like an open book. It's shit. I wish I didn't like talking through my problems with people, and shouting my opinion at people. I wish I was quiet, and I didn't give anything away. I wish I was mysterious and could just let people be ignorant and not speak up for the "underdog".

I wish I could shut my playboy mouth

God i'm really getting back into the cure. They're fucking amazing. This guy I know has a tattoo of Robert Smith on his arm. It's so funny. That guy is awesome =D I wanna put like all the cure's music on my mp3 player. I wish i'd gotten an Ipod. Although I really appreciate the mp3, It's just so much hassle converting all the stupid songs (I can't just take them from itunes feck sake)

My brother once said I looked like robert smith on a bad day

Worryingly, I didn't take it as an insult

You know.. I just want everything to work out.
I can't concentrate anymore.
I wish I could just..not have to worry.
I wish nothing was difficult and I could sail through life not caring,
I wish I could be like one of those guys who screws all the girls and doesn't think of the consequences.
I wish I had money to show them how much I care (they value material things)
I wish I could get one kiss from her, I wanna show her she's wanted.
I wish I could love him, I wish that's how I felt. I want this to mean something.
I wish I could believe in God, and have blind faith. Things would be easier.

..I can't.

Presents=Problems

(8) she's got one friend, he lives next door, they listen to the weather,

he knows how many freckles she's got, she scratches his beard. she's painting huge books,

glues them together, they saw a big raven; it glided down the sky--she touched it.

Today's a birth-day--they're sucking cigars, he got a chain of flowers, sows a bird in her knickers (8)

So right, today aisling asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her to get me something small (I fucking hate when people answer that question with "don't get me anything" DON'T LIE everybody likes pressies xD) and she asked "like what?" and I told her I want a new blusher, or a slouchy hat, or those silver pumps from primark and she was like "I can't just give you a pair of 4 quid pumps" but i'd rather she do that, you know?

The worst is when people don't get you anything. That's soooo bad. It shows how much they don't care. I don't even like having huge presents, my list is really simple this year.

1. Elizabeth Arden creme make up

2. Twilight series (the last 3)

3. Folie A Duex-Fall out Boy

4. A Beautiful World-Robin Thicke

5. Two Tongues album (released today-don't know the name of it)

So dean and my mothero are getting me them. I think it's the most reasonable i've ever been.

Credit crunch and all that ;)

But yeah, I would love to say that a hug is enough or whatever, but I like small things with purpose, aswell as a hug xD

Eugh I just remembered valentines day is coming up =/ Single awareness day anyone? It's totally useless. It's like "Yeah this will make you feel totally shit if you're not in a relationship"

Fuck you, I don't need to be with someone to be happy. And quite frankly, all this shite i've went through with mammoth recently just made me realise that sometimes a "casual thing" isn't always clear on both parts. I still feel bad, he thought I was up for a relationship right away. So from here on i'm only gonna be with one person at a time. Even if it's casual. It's not worth hurting people.

casualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasualcasual

I'm beginning to hate that word...

Jobs And Birthdayness

I'm sitting in my mums work. Boredom right now.

I just went looking for a job in the chemist, but randalstown is so shitty for jobs. Like i've mentioned before, there aren't many places to choose from. And most of the places are chippys of chineses. And clearly i'm not gonna have that smell in my hair afterwards. That shit doesn't come out you know?

Trying to sort out my birthday. I think i'm just gonna go to like dinner or something with my girls and then go out on the friday for drinks at the ramble inn again =/ not sures just yet. And terry asked me to go to something aswell which is feckinnng shweeet coz its both our birthdays around the same time (hes 17 on the 5th, i'm 16 on the 9th).

I asked the dude if he wanted to come to whatever i'm doing and he didn't text back. Predictable much? I totally didn't see that one comeing like. Rolls eyes.

Actually I fully don't blame him for not texting me sometimes. I end up argueing with him for no reason whatsoever Lmao. (I don't really know why, it's probably because I never get to bring anything important up when we're together. Theres no fucking time. I HATE it..) But bless him like. I'm not the easiest person to put up with. Actually i've only ever had one person able to handle me, he was a fucking legend. But also a prick (try to remember that >.<)

The Nicest Thing

All I know is that you're so nice, You're the nicest thing I've seen.

I wish that we could give it a go, See if we could be something.

I wish I was your favorite girl,

I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.

I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile

I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out, But you always wanted know what I was about.

I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,

I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,

'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.

Basically, I wish that you loved me, I wish that you needed me,

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,

I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.

I wish that without me you couldn't eat,

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

All I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen.

I wish that we could see if we could be something.

Kate Nash Is My New Favourite Person =D

Burnt Toast And Ghosts On Mars

(8) No need to scream and shout, no doubt if women are from venus now.

All I wanna do is please you, please myself by living my life too.

And all the stupid things I do have absolutely no reflection on how I feel about you (8)

I burnt my toast this morning. That's totally not a good start. Plus it's sunday, so I know this day's gonna fully suck..

I've had the most boring weekend of my life this weekend. Done like nothing at all. Well no actually I got some coursework done. The joy. I'm actually quite happy about that, I haven't really been able to concenrate recently. Too many shitty things going on tbh.

I seen him last night, walking with is girlfriend. He makes me sick now. I can't believe he was such a fag to me. Suck me you asshole.

My dad rang this morning, but I needed a lie in so I just let dean get it. I still haven't really asked what was said. I'm contemplating whether I should go over this summer.

I had the freakiest dream last night. I think it was because of this movie we watched last night. Ghosts Of Mars. This awesome movie with Ice Cube and stuff, I really liked it. We were gonna watch goodfellas aswell and we were half way through it then we got this dumbass prank phone call and my mum thought i'd give my number out to someone because they mentioned me. ("I wanna fuck your daughter"). Dicks. And she was annoyed at them, but accidently took it out on me and I got pissed off because I don't associate with people who are that fucking immature.

Ok back to the dream. It was like in my aunties old house and there was this kid who looked like reagan or whatever from the exorcist (i've had a dream about her before wtf) and she was in this box and I was like in the box but I wasn't and it was really claustrophobic and I just kept thinking-"don't let her claw at you" so I was trying to push her away, but I couldn't see her. Then me and some guy (I have no idea who it was but he was like this hot nerd) went on a magical mystery tour to find her and we went into this shop and she was running about mental and I was like "there she is!" and he was all "thats not her you dumbass!" but it fully was.

She was like this small kid in a black dress and her hair was thinning so you could see her scalp and she had big dark circles under her eyes and wee cute nose and mouth. But she was freaky as fuck.