Death Gotta Be Easy, Cause Life Is Hard

(8) I was caught up in thinking if you would be the last

Ready set stop, take a breather

You wanna stop? me neither

Red light, yellow light, green light, go

Full speed ahead with nowhere to go

We're far too young, bold, beautiful, dignified, happy and keen

To the looks that you see in the magazines

I know that im far from perfect

All i need is one chance to show im worth it (8)

This whole week has felt like this....


Me and The Dude/The Boyfriend have went back to having a casual thing again. Why should I be tied down to someone who doesn't know what they want?

The whole thing is so trivial compared to everything else anyway.

I've walked around in a depression all week.

I might go back to counselling, things are crowding me again, overwhelming me with pressure. I'm so close to another phase. I can feel it creeping up on me. Like a big dirty spider. Like a dirty fighter.

Few days ago we were having our lunch in the art room. This DICKHEAD came in. Started slabbering to a mate, I didn't pay much attention cause that's all the fucker ever does. Next thing I hear a smack on the table. She's smashing my friends face into the table. She grabs her hair and starts punching her head. She can't do anything, she's fucking sitting down. She didn't even let her stand. The wanker leaves. My friend starts crying. I've never seen her cry. She's the strongest person I know, doesn't let anyone or anything sway her. She's like one of the only people I depend on now. I can't believe that within 5 minutes, this dirty fighter bitch has reduced my mate to hysterics...

But guess what...it's cool. We're getting that dick back. She's getting done for assult, i'm gonna be there as a witness. The other witnesses have pulled out. They're scared. Fuck them they didn't do anything at the time....Like me.

God I wish i'd done something...

The next day we talk to the principal, then our form teacher. I get a text from him. I ring him. I drag myself into the art storeroom so I don't yell infront of kids. I'm screaming down the phone. Shaking with.... anger?? Can't breathe. Cry my fucxxxking eyes out, he doesn't notice for ages. She comes in and hugs me, she offers to talk to him, I say no. She leaves for a second and I collapse on the floor. I love her..even though shes going through all that shit, she still has time to sort me out.. I hate that I can't control myself. I hate that this is happening again. It took so long to bring myself up last time, I don't want to go through this again, I won't be able to take it.

Great, tears again.

It's starting....