Drink And Kisses Are A Bad Combo

(8) You blew up the world I built for us,

Destroyed our secret universe,

Threw out the trust I, put in you,

Making me feel like I'd been used,

And now I'm reminded,

That I was just blinded,

Hello, hello? Just pick up the phone.

You'll be sorry to hear, I'm doing fine now,

Sorry to hear, You're without me now. (8)

I feel like writing a well long blog today. Alot of shit has went down.

Ramble was on last night.. It went pretty well.. except for the last half hour or so. A guy I used to like came in with his girlfriend. He held her hand the hold time, even when he was hugging me. He was so proud of her. He told me today he's so happy.. she makes him happier than any girl. I told him I was happy for him..

Am I? Or did I just lie?

He looked really good, they're a cute couple. I was insanely jealous tbhh.. Jealousy is the worst flaw a human being can have.

A friend told me something I said had hurt her. I hadn't honestly known. It made me feel sick that i'd been such a dickhead and been totally oblivious to it. That's probably worse than doing it intentionally. I tried to make it up to her. She said at one point "I thought we were friends.. You're supposed to be my friend" I felt like crying. And building a time machine. I hated myself so much at that moment.

Then my mate introduced me to a friend of hers.
We kissed outside. It reminded me of the last time I was there. He hadn't forced me into anything. This guy did. He kept dragging me back and pushing me against the wall. He left scratches on me. I ached when I woke up this morning. I feel so unclean.

Last night before I went out I was talking to paul. We had an online marriage lmao it was so funny. I quite like him. He's funny. He has the cutest down-south accent ever. I could see us being really good mates tbhh.. Gonna make plans to hang out with him sometime soon ((:

If I let you love me.. Be the one adored.. Would you go all the way?.. Be the one i'm looking for.

God when we got in to annmaries last night I was so tired. But I couldn't sleep! Annmarie kept kicking me out, so I was half in and half out of the bed. It was entirely uncomfortable. I had her phone near me in the morning. I think I text a few people because I had texts on my phone like

"Yea me 2, thats y i said it, but its behind us now, and we're ok. xx"

LMAO what the hell did I say? And there were no sent messages because of AM's phone. Stupid phone.

Then I got a call from work and had to go in. So i've had like 0.000001 hours sleep. Gonna have a kickass lie-in in the morning.

Was out with terry earlier. That strange tension is back. I stayed at his last week. When we were lieing in bed he started tickling me. I don't have tickles, only on my back (But shhh only my brothers worked that one out after that hissy fit I took on him) so I tickled him. I ended up lieing over him n beating him.. then we both went quiet. And it wasn't just us messing about anymore. It was so wierd! We're like best mates, why is there tension? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I text the dude earlier, to see if he was around. He didn't text me back. And he hadn't text back..on.. monday I think it was. Clearly he could have no credit.. monkey stole his phone.. be working.. lost his phone.. be in New Zealand.. Or on mars? Million reasons.

But what if this is actually all over?! What if I don't see him again? What if.. He's just given up trying to put up with me. And my stupid voice. Having to talk to much. Say things I don't mean. Well we live in the same town like.. Euggh it would be even worse if I saw him and we avoided each other. Or acted like we never HAD anything. That's such a horrible idea.

If it turned out that I would never be WITH him again.. I'd want to be friends.. I wonder if people can still be friends.. After one person has liked the other to the extent that i've liked (and still like) him.. Still makes me nervous to think that this could be it.


Nine months...
I don't want to let this go.. Really I just want to know..

That blog wasn't even that long.

I want noodles.