i haven't moved.
i'm listening but i'm not hearing.
music so loud, to drown out the noise.
and yet i am so quiet.

TURTLE read this! :)

hey girl, i've tried to comment you like a dozen times and i can't from my phone for some reason. i like your prom photo. you are very pretty. phew this whole no-comment thing was bothering me.

i'm wierdoemotionalgirl!

golly, i'm crazy today.
my hormones are like up/down/up/down.
i got my phone took off me today.
i thought using your phone in the canteen was perfectly fine. guess not. i told her it was an emergency. she says use the phone in the office. i try to, they say no, but i can use the payphone. "i have no money, could you just ring my momma?" i say. no.
blehhhh i hate school and shitty rules.
5 minutes ago i almost cried because i couldnt find a white sheet.
ishouldstoptakingthepill! it's making me insane.

lets make a verbal agreement to only kiss each other.

well it's been a week since The Dude showed up on my door, more than a month after we'd said we were cooling things.

it feels like it didn't even happen to be honest.

i feel like i need to put up walls, i need to protect myself this time.

saying that, the whole thing was kinda relaxed. which i didn't expect. i thought i wouldn't be able to stop hugging him. but i didn't want to.

we didn't kiss for ages. in this time i realised we could be friends, which is nice to know... we'll see.

the forest was supposed to breathe along with us! goddamn.

first of all, some guy i met one night showed up and shouted in my face "YOU'RE DARYL. YOU GAVE ME A BLOWJOB OUTSIDE THE RAMBLE INN" cheers. clearly not. then someone set his tent on fire and he chucked a bottle at a girl because he thought she did it. then he got the most brutal kicking i have ever seen.

i used some guy as a pillow but i couldn't sleep so i spent six hours rolling joints infront of a fire with my friend. we took the piss out of each other til the sun came up. i loved it :) i missed us.

Blood Money.. and The Cookiemonster

The main purpose for this blog is for a new blogger friend of mine haha a dude called Ross :) his blogs are really awesome ! check him out, on this link that i have called cookiemonster because i think of the cookiemonster everytime i look at his name.

and this is another reason. the memories that this song brings back :)

no one is as lucky as us

this ended up being a pretty nice day.
i didn't get any stupid d+ papers or any of that shit. blerghh.
the sun was out, so matthew, gavgav and myself had a little seat outside, after i struggled with the microwave in the sixth form centre and saying "how does this even work?" (i don't own a microwave)
but gavin helped.
i had soupy soup. (crouton crouton)
and i won nervous THREE TIMES TODAY with matthew.
i am awesome.
driving instructor text me asking me to take more lessons too.
that's it really :)

oh god i just had to blog. right this second.

I HATE when i can't think of anything i love I HATE when people act all non-chalont about everything when really they care it's just fucking mean I HATE when i work really damn hard and don't get anywhere I HATE when i can't sleep because i'm thinking too much I HATE looking at all this stupid facebook bullshit and how people get real hard when they don't have to look at your face I HATE that i wasn't angry before i started writing this I HATE not knowing i'm hurting until i cry my stupid fricken eyes out.

my best friend is lovely.

ciara sent me this with an "i love you"
see she got me a belle set
and i got her this ariel one
it cheered me up

Be my vampire.

Girl, you don't want true love

True love will rip you open

It'll tear you up.

I wish that every man was as respectful as an old vampire.

Why have things changed so much.

Pfft.

find a soulmate

she feels
she feels everything
yet no touch is offered
too far away

she's got someone
someone to tell her sweet little words
only when it suits
never able to let go
never able to be herself

he stands alone
free
her friend
every second
every moment
only ever a phonecall away
always loving her

would things be different
no anger, no fronting
just two
to lie under a pineapple tree
play a tune on your sad guitar
always filled with hope

maybe one day.

i promised i'd never sing of love if it does not exist

*maybe i know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways to make it alone
keep a straight face
i've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable
distance
and up until now i had
sworn to myself that i'm
content with loneliness
because none of it was ever
worth the risk

well you are the only exception.*

the planets bend between us

i can't put you back together again.

having a family day today. which is basically turned into a really really long drive to nowhere.
theres just rocks and water everywhere. i kinda wanna go home :/

African Guy keeps asking me to go out. i think he wants to take me out tonight, but i can't trust anyone. i know what everyone is after.

my friend rang me last night :) he was in the woods to prove his manliness to his friend :/ then got scared and ran 25 miles home! made me smile :)

oh welcome new follower kids Fe and Ross :) hey guys :)

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,
you've had some tough times. the first guy i really liked hurt you. you kept pumping away, even though my whoreing made you empty. you skipped a beat at that guy who completely stood out, the guy i wasn't sure cared. and pounded all those times i didn't listen to you, i listened to my body. i gave you away. you got broken far too many times, and fixed far more.
i feel you now. you are unsure whether to slow down or speed up.
i don't know what to do.
so i guess i'll have to follow you.

we like boys in c-ars. buy us drinks in b-ars.

lovely night last night
i met awesome people
and realised how good i am at being a free person
why was i scared!? :)

change.

so this is it.
i'm lieing in a bath on a friday night, on blogger on my phone.
no joke.

i spent last night with my newly-single friend. which was strangely really sad.
we reminised about the ex.
i told her about the times she passed out and me and him had adventures.
hell even i was feeling overly-sentimental.

it's hard to see things fall apart.
it's hard to see friends upset.
i hate change and how everyone's unhappy. i hate being on the verge of adulthood.
there's so much i don't understand.

crave.

comfort.
dim lights.
rain.
music.
sheets.
passionate, intense, crazy exhausting sex.
slow kisses.
feeling natural.
feeling free.
running.
skipping.
holding.
biting.
licking.
touching.
screaming.
looking into each others eyes.
collapsing.
naked cuddles.
listening to heartbeats.
slowly.
no need to rush.
making love so slowly.
i crave the intensity.

for all the things that could happen.

i haven't moved from this place.
not an inch.
tears still fearing my resistance.
so close to falling.

i haven't made a promise.
not one i could hold to my heart.
or one i could hold in my fingers,
to place in your gaze.
when you find you can trust me.

your eyes seek mine,
trap me.
you know me far better than any soul.
you know that this is not a rebellion.
this is a collapse.

i fear not god nor brother.
but i beg for understanding.
for who could love me now?
now that they know.