favourite arcade.

im so sick of being melodramatic.
so im going to write this with no stupid lyrics, no stupid metaphors, just like it is.

i've been seeing my "boyfriend" on and off for like a year and a bit..
yet we've only been offical for not even a month.
and in this month, i have seen him like...three times?!
all three times i have went to him.
in this month, he has stood me up like.. three times.
so he's stood me up the same amount of times i've seen him.

what i'd like to know is, what have i actually got out of this month?
i've got collectively like seven hours of happiness with him.
he doesn't text me unless we're making plans, so i haven't had those little awesome times either when you get a text that makes you smile and you feel loved, nope, haven't had that.
thinking about it, he doesn't even text me when we ARE making plans.

the bottom line is.. i can't see other people, and i can't see him either? im basically single, but not allowed to see anyone.

self esteem is like this much *holds thumb and finger apart*

it's not that we don't have a great time when we're together, and i do love him, but i'm starting to wonder if this is the right thing.

personally i think people should have equal amounts of respect for each other, take turns in visiting each other, and WANT to see each other, in a relationship. clearly, i have none of these things.

i just want him to show me he loves me. right now he's just another guy.

Hey.. HEY.. don't you give your heart away.

(8) But I've been waiting a long time to hold your hand, Or something like that.

I'm not a soldier and I'm not a king, But I can play a mean guitar

And you can talk to me about almost anything, Without worrying. (8)

Hello kelly are a really good new band i just discovered, definately check them out. http://www.myspace.com/hellokelly


I'm still in a bad mood.
I starting to wonder about exactly how much respect he actually has for me, if he can't even let me know what he's doing. fuck it. Eugh i'm sick of it like.
I'm starting to doubt myself.


Whatever. Getting back in touch with paulie, i realised quite recently that i've abandoned people that meant a hell of a lot to me, i've been selfish and cold. I'm gonna get them back into my life.
I can't believe i've acted this way.

Welcome, new follower daniel coogan :) check him out, he's cool :)

Best not be fucking with the best prom ever.

(8) Everyone in highschool will worship.. The fucking ground I walk on

If it was up to me

I'll never be a target..I'll never be a fucking virgin

But it's not up to me

(you make me hard, you make me hard, you make me hard, you make me..)

Best not be fucking with the.. Best prom ever (8)

If i could wear anything to my formal it would be this

(urban outfitters, £60 and topshop £130)

but unfortunately my money hasn't came through yet, and i'm not working until christmas time. eughhhhh...

To The Formal I Say!

(8) And you were wild and crazy.. Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated

Got away by some mistake and now.. I miss screamin' and fightin'..

And kissin' in the rain.. It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name..

I'm so in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you.. (8)

Well...

Got asked to the formal today, sort of excited/don't really want to go at all.

Gonna ask my man if he minds me going or not.

The dude didn't even ask me direstly he got "hot" head boy to come over and ask.

I said i'd think about it just.

Wanna buy a cool new dress.

Hells yeah.

What else? Gig on saturday was quite good.

Although as roisin said, it sort of felt like a wierd half filled school disco.

It was in City Hall.

Which was cool.

And we found Dil and Josh and their mate which was awesome, just hung out with them basically all night.

At one point me and my boyfriend got up to listen to the band, which weren't really my thing..as far as i can remember (eek), but he had his arm around me and stuff. I really liked that, it made me happy.

Roisin said we were one of those sickening couples.

Yesss.......Life Ambition hahaha

I knew i'd get my turn!

Well here's some pictures.

Aww kinda wish i'd gone one with the bf now. That would have been cute, i wish we had pictures.

Check out that crazy mask me and rois found on the way home! AHH MARKSIES ARE WIERD.

love.

Quote of the day-

"its like walking around in the dark trying to find you and you have a match but you won't light it"

-Dil on me appearing offline on msn

restinpeace

(8) Ill love you with all the madness in my soul (8)

My hamster died in my hands last night.

I watched her breathing escalate, then fall gradually..

I watched her suffer.

I watched her last attempt to move.

I held her and talked to her like she understood.

I shed tears that i couldn't wipe away, i didn't want to let go.

I watched as she took her last breath.

And i didn't believe that she was gone.

I understand that she was "just an animal"

But to watch death happen right infront of my eyes was something that tore me into pieces.

I'm just glad she didn't die alone.

R.I.P NoodleBear

Perfection.

(8) I got so much love.. For you darlin' and I,

I wanna let you know how I feel..

And it's true.. that I love you..

And it's true.. your the only one..

and I do, I adore you.. And it's true.. girl

You make me feel alive.. (8)

Haven't blogged properly in ages, i've realised.

Ended up drawing the last couple of my last post with the big lips, i really like it.

It's amazing how much a summer can change you.

I even see changes in the quality of my work.

The only thing that really sucks is that i truely love a piece when i'm working on it, like passionately put everything in to it, as much as i can.

Then when it's done, i keep finding all theses shitty faults.

It's like.. making me wonder why i do anything.

That guy in my class is only doing it to get a grade.

I could never do anything for solely that purpose.

I wish i didn't strive for perfection like i often do.

I want perfect pictures to be taken.

Perfect art to be created.

Perfect friendships to be formed.

Perfect love to be made.

I want to be perfect, in my own way.

But no-one really knows what that is, exactly.

A kiss..

I really want to draw a couple for art, I want to cover everything with people.. Maybe one of these I think.. ?


I like this guy's tattoos :)

I like this. It's a nice way to kiss. I like the way their bodies are

That is so cute ^^
If i drew her, my art teacher wouldn't get at me for making everyone's lips too pouty.

Ah ha! a loophole :)

Legend Lifetimes.

(8) Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you (8)

Life is so awesome right now.. whoa's.

Like i had such a shitty time last weekend.. i'm still recovering.

I still feel shit about it.

But not as much now.

But recently things seem pretty good =/

I'm happy, i'm pleased..

I'm.... satisfied..

Hm.

Went to Belfast again today, was pretty ace.

First of all, I met this dude James when i was getting on the bus, and he just like dumped a tent on the road and got back on the bus and i was like = dude.. and he waved me up to the back where he was sitting with his two mates and like halfway through the bus drive i realised they both had tails.

No joke.

Tails.

And he was talking about 'Furries' and he goes 'but you don't know what furries are' and i was like... "erm.. actually man, i do" and for the first time he actually looked embarrassed, but then was strangely impressed that i knew this. Anyone who does not know what furries are should like.. check that out paha. Was gonna get a pic up here but like.. can't do it :

When they got off the bus they kept their tails on. Bus driver got wacked up the face by james' tail and like his expression was priceless :L

Met up with Roisin and just slummed it out. I got a new skirt :) I really like it, even though it's see-through so i'm just always gonna have to wear stuff under..

This guy tried to get us to go to this gig, and had like a band member on hand to tell us how good they are. I thought that was pretty funny like.. it's like he had nothing better to do than wander the streets trying to convince people to listen to him. And his mate was like "if you two aren't there i'm personally going to hunt ya's down" and we were like TOPSHOP and sprinted.

What else.. Got the bus and my mate was there, so it was good to have someone to talk to.. But it was wierd aswell, like with the history we have etc.. and he's fully on the rebound, even though he tries to deny it.. it was wierd. I stole his hat which was funny. That is a good hat. My life's mission is to have that hat.

So apart from Rois trying to copy me today ("i think i'm gonna get glasses like yours.." "how do you put your hair up like that?") hahaha by the end of the day it was a joke like, she's awesomee :)

Oh and he made me waffles. I love him.

Quote of the day-

"Remember we used to play this? where the FUCK is he now?"

-Roisin on the where's wally? book we found in urban outfitters