Ciara..=D

I mentioned this blog to ciara the other day, she asked if she was in it. I said yes, now she thinks i'm bitching about her to my computer. Ciara, if you're reading, you know I love you no matter how much you call me a wanker =D

That was actually really funny at her house. There was some random kid in her room when I got there and I was like "fuck now i'm gonna have to watch my language etc" because I have to be careful around kids with ciara, she doesn't like them being exposed to anything evil or something hahaha, whereas I woud talk to them like they're the same age as me. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a child and someone who is old enough to understand stuff in life. I dunno. So this kid was talking about chris brown excessively. To the point where me and ciara were gonna have a fucking meltdown. Unreal. It was actually really funny, ciara kept looking really stressed and the kid didn't notice and I could tell she was entirely on edge so i was practically on the floor laughing. My phone ended up with a fuckload of blue nailpolish on it. I think the kid did it when I wasn't looking. Accidently probably. Or maybe because I was being slightly sarcastic on the chris brown thing. I don't think she was amused.

Seen the dude yesterday. Some interesting points came up. For one, he called what we had a relationship. (incidently, I know, but it was just chance that my ears pick up certain words haha) and later on we were just hanging out and he asked me what I was thinking about (he does this alot =/) and so I told him about this other guy who I was sort of seeing every once in a while and that he got a girlfriend and never told me..and I mentioned that it hurt, and that it got me thinking about us.

To this..he said "well if I ever got a girlfriend, you'd be the first to know"

I don't find this encouraging. I'm definately not waiting around for him anymore. I think it's clear where I stand now.

Still not sure about what to do for new years, ronnie asked me to come up to his and just have a quiet night and I told him about that gig, and said he could come and keep me company if he wanted. Oh and I just found out that the guy who was spreading that shit about me is going to be there. Oh the joy of it all. FUCKER.

When I got home last night me and dean watched Natural Born Killers. Robert Downey Jr was amazing. The directing was really good, it was admirable. I think it's made one of my favourite films, it was awesome. I would recommend watching it.

<3 When everything ends, When what we have is over, I won't cry like I did over him. I'll remember the times I felt loved. I'll hold on to the passion I felt around you. I'll make sure I don't remember you as what you really are, what I know, but can't see. I'll remember you as what I always wanted you to be. <3